What do we do when our trust is hurt? It is not easy to let go the feelings of sadness and fear… it is not easy to spend a single second without thinking what else is going on without us knowing about it. It is such a nasty feeling… it is the way I’m feeling now. And what is worst… I can’t talk openly about it here, but somehow I have to let it out because my heart and my soul are in so much pain and there is no one to listen to me right now. I feel I want to cry and scream, hit the walls, ask for a better explanation and not feeling like if it was my fault.
In Spanish we have a saying: “Quien calla, otorga” and that means that the one who keeps silence is giving you the right to believe what you want to believe. Because after confronting and not getting the right answers you feel even worse. It is like something special has broken, like a magical bond has been damaged… I just can’t explain.
Mom always told me not to put myself in situations where I can hurt others, especially when there is a certain stability in my life. And that is what I’ve trying to do for the last two years… and now I’m the one who’s hurt. I only wonder… is this horrible feeling of insecurity and mistrust going to leave somehow? I need lots of reasurement… and I need to know… what, who, how… yes, that’s me.