Hoy quiero escribir en Español, mi lengua materna. Algunas veces se me dificulta expresar lo que siento cuando tengo que utilizar alguna de estas dos lenguas que he adquirido por cuestiones del destino. Pero este es mi diario y al fin y al cabo lo hago para mí, entonces qué importa si los otros entienden o no? Suena algo egoista, pero hoy me siento aislada… sola.

Y es la soledad el centro de este texto; esa soledad de la cual no podemos escapar porque de una u otra forma somos nosotros quienes la buscamos y está ahí, como una mala costumbre que no podemos desarraigar, como una fiel amiga con la cual aprendemos demasiadas cosas acerca de nosotros mismos y nos asusta. Es en los momentos en los que estamos con nosotros mismos que miramos dentro y podemos reflexionar sobre lo que queremos en la vida, lo que nos frustra, lo que nos detiene, lo que nos aleja de nuestros sueños o nos acerca a ellos.

Regresé de mi país natal, donde estuve durante dos meses visitando a mi familia, hace ya casi un mes. Y es difícil volverse a adaptar a la falta del bullicio latino, con la puerta y el teléfono que suenan más de lo acostumbrado; de los vendedores de la calle, de mi sobrino que siempre llena la casa con sus risas y sus juegos. Si, es bien difícil, porque vivo en un país caracterizado por su ecuanimidad; donde cada quien vive su vida sin pensar en el vecino y donde, en realidad, no tengo amigos y menos una gran familia porque mi esposo es hijo único y sus padres son divorciados.

Entonces es la soledad la razón por la cual estas últimas semanas me he pasado preguntando a mí misma qué quiero hacer con mi vida? Algunas veces los mil interrogantes me vuelven loca, otras veces me ayudan a dilucidar que no estoy tan lejos de mi sueños y que con un poco más de esfuerzo podré saltar la barrera del miedo al fracaso, que es lo que me frena para arriesgarme.

En mi vida, he logrado más de las que jamás imaginé; pero quiero más, y para ello tengo que pensar, pensar, pensar… Porque siempre he sido impulsiva, porque muchas veces NO he tomado las decisiones más apropiadas. Pero llega el momento en que me detengo un momento y comprendo que algún día tengo que crecer y saber medir las consecuencias de mis actos.

Si, es en la soledad y el silencio cuando nuestras almas nos hablan. Por eso, aunque no me gusta estar sola, agradezco estos momentos.

Song in my head (and my speakers): “Babylon” - by David Gray

Went to bed really late; was chatting with S and Tara (what a sweet girl! -did you hear me, Derek??-). But against all predictions I woke up very early and my first impulse was coming to the computer to check e-mails and hang out at my website.

Found Daisey online and we had a nice talk about my Web Designer dreams. Thanks a lot, Daisey… for your advice and what you did for me! It is very important to meet passionate people who can transmit their enthusiasm like you do!

Thinking about getting a new domain soon; even got the name and everything, but shhhh! don’t want it to be stolen, he he he!. Other than that, it’s just a normal Monday morning and I’m making plans for the week; we’ll finish painting today, I guess.

Going to bathe myself and take a nap before hubby comes back. Good luck, everyone!

Phew! I’m so tired… but very happy! The colors we chose to put in the living room turned to be wonderful. It now looks like this cozy and warm place where you want to hang out all the time. Of course it’s still a big mess, but give me two or three days and I will do wonders with it! Next week we’re putting the wallpaper and a few things we want to get from IKEA (Yay!!).

It seems painting the living room with nice colors has lifted our spirits and I feel like there’s more love around. Maybe it’s because for the first time Patrice and I actually did something for the house together and it’s good to take care of the place where we share our lives in; he told me “on fait �a avec amour, alors c’est bon!” (get a French-English dictionary, you lazy reader! LOL).

Well, La Gala de l’Adisq 2001 is on and I really like the Francophone spectacle so it’s time for me to say good-night. Take care everyone!

Penauts Personality: Sensitive Linus.

The say: “When you’re not philosophizing about the Great Pumpkin or the meaning of Christmas, you’re cozying up to your friends, just like the L-man cozies up to his blanket. Linus is a deliberate dude, who believes that almost anything is possible. You probably like to think things through as well�we think that you and Linus would have lots to talk about! You’re a fan of stability and familiarity, and find security in your oldest friends. You’ll even share that blue blanket with your closest ones!”.

Just a quick hello. We put the first layer in the living room; it was fun but I’m extremely tired after getting up very early and work hard Hubby’s watching hockey (I’m not really a big fan) and I’m here reading e-mails and putting labels to our computer CDs. Hope everyone’s having a great time this weekend!

Via Daisey I found this cool site: Vilija. Great pictures! And impecable layout.

And via Kathryn I discovered what’s my Magic Fairy Name: Petal Demonwand, who is a wicked and mischievous child, seen only when the seer holds a four-leafed clover. She lives in fields where wild flowers and poppies grow. Sweet, eh?

Tonight’s very quiet here. The house is a mess because we removed almost everything from the living room in order to paint tomorrow, so the only thing working is the T.V. but it’s off. Hubby went to sleep early because we have plans to wake up very early, have breakfast outside and start working as soon as possible.

I’m not sleepy and of course, sitting in front of Mr. Compaq Presario trying to find something good to look at on the web. There’s none of my friends online, so forget about chatting; however being alone is kind of productive when you’re trying to find something new in this vast universe called the internet.

I know it is not new for many people that this guy, Jenett, really knows how to web. He’s got all these cool projects and ideas… simply interesting. I guess I never took the time to really go and look what he’s got to offer, apart from the Ageless Project; but I’m really having fun surfing and learning from him. It’s like all he wants to do is encourage us, normal people who like the internet

And from Jenett I found a website many people should visit. It’s called Tolerance.org; it’s open for adults as well as children. Their goal is to awaken people to the problem of hate and intolerance, to equip them with the best tolerance ideas and to prompt them to act in their homes, schools, businesses and communities.

Definitely, two places worth to visit. See you all on Monday, for I don’t think I’ll be around this weekend. Take care and have fun!

Friday Five (From Heather)

1. What’s your favorite time of day? Around 3 p.m., when we’re just relaxing here with Patrice, watching a little T.V. or when we have to go run some errands. I don’t like to be alone, so when he comes home it feels just great. I also like the evenings because they are quiet and I can sit to read a book or just play in front of the computer without having to answer the phone or worry about other things.

2. What’s your least favorite time of day? Mornings when I don’t have to go to work. I feel alone and sometimes I just don’t know what to do with all my free time and I have to admit that I don’t like house work too much, but then I have to do it so it’s a bugger! And when the sun is coming down I call it the “Feeling Blue Hour”; I just feel sad.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Does it cause any problems? I’m a night owl, that goes to sleep much later than my hubby and of course he wants me to go to bed with him, but I just can’t; it runs in my family. However, I’m not like mom or dad who always were up very early. I’m a real lazy person who has a lot of trouble trying to get up early; but once I’m up everything runs smoothly.

4. If you had an entire worry- and obligation-free day, what would you do with it? I’ve had them… and sometimes I just wish I really had to do something! I love to read, so probably you would find me embebed in a book or playing around with the computer. But my ideal day-off is definitely going out, take a walk, see nature, take some pictures, breathe some fresh air and have fun.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? We were suppossed to paint the appartment last weekend, but hubby was sick. So yesterday we went to buy the painting and those are the plans. We’re going to start with the living room, putting two beautiful colors with a wallpaper. And maybe next weekend we’ll work in the bedroom; good that our “office” is already done because we spent way too much time in here!

I’ve met one of the coolest people online tonight. She’s not only good at what she does, but also a great person; and she has my dream dog: a beagle! That’s Daisey, who helped me to solve a little script lio I had. Thanks a lot, girl! You’re like an inspiration Hope your band will come and play here someday!

No, it is not a re-design. Just a few image changes, that’s it I thought it could be more “autumn style”, so I did it. What do you think? Being philosophical sometimes help, eh?

On another note (a very important one): I want all of you to pray for a friend of mine; please light a candle, send your energy or do anything you can because she’s in need of good thoughts.