You call them, they don’t answer. You write to them, they don’t reply. They tell you how wonderful you are all the time, but yet never take the time to give you a call or get together with you. You care about them and they don’t seem to care much about you. They are around, but just not around you. I wonder if that is the kind of friendship I want to pursue; because every time I feel ignored, avoided or rejected it hurts very much and frankly speaking, I don’t think I should do that to myself.

I think it’s time for me to accept the fact that maybe I’m not able to make friends anymore, that my friends are those I left in Colombia and even if I’m able to see them only once in a while, at least I know they are there and they truly love me. That should keep me happy. However I would prefer some people to tell me openly they just don’t want to have me in their lives; I will understand. I appreciate honesty and I believe the truth DOES set us free.

No, I’m not PMS-ing. I just feel really lonely sometimes and wonder if maybe I should give more to others. But I think I already do.

In Spanish we have a saying: “A Dios rogando y con el mazo dando”. It means that when you ask God to help you with something, you must do your earthly part too and do it right. Well, I started doing my earthly part by following my medical treatments and so far so good. I want to have a baby so badly that now I’m going to start a heavenly campaign.
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When you start work at 6:30 a.m. every day and you have to go to bed early every night, you have NO time to waste being online doing nothing. When you work hard, non-stop for 9 or 10 hours each day and go back home totally pooped looking for relaxation, you have NO energy to waste being online talking shit about others. When you have a happy and active life that includes all kinds of fun activities with your loved ones that are more important than the internet, you have NO reason to waste time being online lying to others and bitching. If you have friends that care about you and trust you, you have NO right to be online bragging about them or listening to gossip about them! And when you don’t get involved with a lot of people you really don’t know, you have NO one to gossip with. That’s wise.

And I have NO time, NO energy, NO reason, NO right and NO one for all that. I’m true to myself and true to the ones I love. I don’t want any more drama. I’m too busy having a life. Is that a sin?

And I AM a Happy Munkee :-)