Despite the rather ugly moment last night, I’m in wonderful good spirits today. Somehow I think I’ve grown over all this and finally stopped feeling guilty about what a few people may think of me; I said what I had to say and I don’t care about anything else (like Meg Ryan would say to Hugh Jackman in “Kate and Leopold”: I don’t give a rat’s ass). I mean, not everyone likes me and that’s ok. Now, if they want to spend their life trying to find a way to let their poison out, to poison themselves even more, that is not my problem.

Patrice and I have had a busy day. Woke up really early, went for an un-healthy breakfast at McDonald’s (we had the right since it’s been more than a month!) and then headed for the grocery store. Patrice was obsessed with buying stuff for me because he’s going on that trip and I’m going to stay all by myself for a few days, but I told him not to worry… I can survive. I have my backup here, with my mother in law, the neighbour that is like my mother and a friend, right Elisa? Plus… I’M FINALLY GETTING MY DRIVER’S LICENSE VALIDATED… t’was about time!

After grocery shopping he surprised me with a trip to Wal-Mart. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I like that darn store too much, but at the same time it’s like a knife with two edges because I always end up spending money I should be saving. Well, it wasn’t that bad this time. I got two books (for $5 each) — as if I didn’t have enough books already — a pair of jeans (gotta love cheap stuff that lasts), a shirt and some crafting stuff. Oh! And a deodorant, but I guess that’s TMI.

Then… Oh yes! We went to take the rented car back to the rental office, my mother in law brought us home and guess what? She wants to buy this apt. move here, so we can buy a house (probably hers). How neat is that? Well, it was just an idea, but we’re certainly brewing it. She wants a smaller place and not have her office at home anymore because she always ends up working extra and I think she’s tired. Anyway, we’re excited, very excited!

Now we’re planning on a quiet evening, watch the movies we rented at the local video (we finally got a membership — c’mon! it’s only two blocks from here) and relax. BTW, the movies are “El Crimen del Padre Amaro” (Gael García Bernal is hot!) and “Serving Sara“. I made a reservation for “A Guy Thing” and “The Hot Chick” (Martie got me curious about that one) for tomorrow… gotta love reservations!

And before I forget: I want to publicly apologize to Roberto for having sent a short and snipey e-mail last night that was un-called for. I was hurt and angry by something that had nothing to do with a comment he left here and my good sense wasn’t working. I hope he still comes and comment in my blog because his input has helped me to understand many things. I’m sorry, really sorry.

When I moved my blog to a new server and started using a new domain name making as little publicity as possible, I did it with the hope of a new start, one that allowed me to stay away from stupid cat fights online. I don’t even talk politics anymore, for God’s sake! My posts have been reduced to my day to day life bits and they are probably boring enough. But no… blogger-related problems, they are like a bad weed. I talk about my shower habits and I get insulted for it? What is wrong with this world? I’m tired!

I don’t want to go into details here (there’s no point), but some people out there really need to get a life or psychiatrist for that matter since even if they are banned from my site, they are so obsessed with it that they always find the way here. Someone’s at it again, backstabbing and hurting, even if I haven’t talked to her for quite a while exactly for the same reason. Using her guard dogs, cliche friends and popularity to gather insults against me. I feel sorry for her… Seriously. If she needs to do this in order to feel better about herself, then there is nothing I can do… absolutely nothing. I used to go between anger and guilt because she’s sick and I thought I was not practicing any mercy, but I’ve been called from ungrateful brat to bitch (with more than you can imagine in between), I’ve been sent hate mail, I have even been accused of sending internet virus and criticizing her illness among other things and I have my limits. She crossed them tonight.

Since she’s reading this blog anyway (really, who can hide over the internet?) and I’m NOT going to contact her personally or even reply to an e-mail she sent asking questions — even though I told her exactly why I wanted to cut all bonds with her, but she seems to forget — I don’t want to contact her in private with the fear of mis-interpretations, so…

How dare you make other people insult me in your defence when I’m not even talking about anything related to you? Grow up, please! Concentrate in what’s important in your life because you know you need to. I’m so sad to say this, but I never had a problem with ANYONE until I met you and it’s awful because you were my first friend in this new country. The amount of tears your hurtful actions have made me shed is not written because even if you make me appear like a bitch, I AM NOT ONE. I’m sensitive, I make mistakes, I may not say the best things when I’m upset and sometimes I annoy people by wanting to be self-righteous, but I don’t go plotting evil against those around me, so stop saying I do. I take it as a direct insult to the education I received from my parents. IT DRIVES ME INSANE!.

Let me tell you that unlike you, I have to go through these rains of shit totally alone because I don’t have any friends around to support me; and I mean offline, because you know very well I’m shy and I come from another culture! You say you opened your house to me, and I thank you for that, but things just don’t work between us anymore; they stopped working a long time ago when I realized I couldn’t keep up with the emotional roller-coaster and I had to gather the strength to withdraw, even if I’m alone most of the time now. The toll of my friendship with you was too much to bear (just tonight I thought I was going to have a heart attack with how fast my heart was beating after someone who cares about me warned me of what you had done) and I guess it is a heavy burden for you too, so let go, please!

If the rest of your friends is fine with the fact that you like to talk about them on their backs, then stick to them because I’m not the one who is going to put up with it. I’ve heard too much, I’ve seen too much. Some of them probably don’t know it, and I feel for them. I’m sorry that maybe I have chosen to see only that side of your personality and put away the good things, but you’ve hurt me a big deal; these things are not easy to forget. That’s why I shut you down (also because of things like the one that happened tonight), that’s why I don’t want to talk to you anymore, even though only wish good things for you. They say the things that hurt the most are the ones people you love do against you… You get the idea.

I don’t need to insult you, because I’m not going to lower myself to your or your friends level, but I’m absolutely upset. No ma’am — Play it respectfully, ok? This doesn’t surprise me a little bit, that’s usually how things go online. Your guard dogs are brave enough to insult me over at your blog, and then I AM the coward, huh? Why don’t you tell the story complete? Why do you keep encouraging others to come and tell me that I don’t appreciate ALL THOSE THINGS YOU DID FOR ME? What? You were looking for a reward? After you’ve trashed me, insulted me, attacked me, turned your back on me and jumped in the wagon of gossip in order to keep your groupies, you still expect me to feel gratitude?

And then you try to manipulate me because you’re sick, wanting to justify your tantrums after attacking me again and again? I’m really sorry life has played such a horrible trick on you (and I truly hope you’re given a second, a third and many chances because your people need and love you), but it doesn’t mean you can go hurting others as you please. I hope you understand this time. We’re through, totally through. Use your current situation to reflect on what kind of friends you have right now, encouraging you to poison yourself with such bad feelings. Surround yourself with positive input and you’ll be able to overcome life harshness more easily. Meanwhile, leave me alone.

I shouldn’t be even talking about this, but I have feelings. And right now I’m going through a fit. This is my blog and I can post whatever I want, I pay for it! Some people would say that I have to watch out what I post here because I may get responses, blah blah… But if talking about a body lotion that went bad is going to get me in trouble, then I shouldn’t even bother to have a blog. Some people really need to stop giving themselves so much importance, especially since they are not even mentioned here. So full of themselves they can’t see straight and take everything as a personal story, even if you have spent an insane amount of time trying to ignore them for your own good… Incredible.

Why are there people who spend their lives making other people’s life miserable?, I asked — So we can appreciate those who don’t — said my friend Fab. Wise! Thank you Babs, Martie, Patrick and Moni for helping me go through this shit shower tonight. I may not have many offline friends around, but the online ones sure rock!

1. What do you most want to be remembered for? Being the same kind of person my parents were, or what they raised me to be. They are wonderful, kind, respectful, full of faith in God, generous, well-mannered… Should I go on? Also I want to be remembered like people remember my grandma, a woman full of love for others and strong! And of course, as a mother… a great mother.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life? “Never regret what you have done. Regret what you haven’t” — I kind of made it myself, but I probably heard it somewhere and my subconscious-self caught it. Even if we make mistakes, they are a school for the future. Try to live each day on a way you learn something and if you fall down, then you just get up and continue!

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year? Will I sound like a loser if I say nothing? But no, that would be unfair. Ok, my biggest achievement has been health-related. Being able to control my Pituitary Tumor by following the doctor’s advice. I’m still waiting for more things to happen; this last year has been too plain.

4. What about the past ten years? Seriously? I think I’ve grown up a lot, I’ve overcome 3 major depressions, I didn’t give up. I married the most wonderful man there is on the face of the earth (yes, I know I’m a little bit biased). I moved to this wonderful country and here I’ve achieved many things I couldn’t have done in Colombia. I just need a baby… a little baby.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say? Be yourself, no matter how much other people pressure you. Never be afraid to say NO, never be afraid to show what you are. Stand up for your beliefs, but respect others. And always look for the advice of older people because they know best.

You can play too!

Patrice and I are more of dog people, but not because we don’t like cats. In fact I adore them, they’re so cool, but Patrice is rather allergic and even though I’ve had cats all my life (or should I say they’ve had me?), I’m a little bit allergic too.

Anyway, I’m laughing like an idiot this morning, out loud, let me tell you –the neighbors may think I went nuts or something– with this cat video I got via Martie. Go ahead, have some laughs, start your day with a smile. — You see? I even have a cat smiley! I’m so amused that I already passed the video to the guys at the office. It seems everyone’s enjoying it. Uh oh — Interrupted work!

I’ve got the goose bumps reading this great news: Canada will allow Iraq’s best-known war victim to visit this country and decide whether he wants to stay for good. — Little Ali can come as visitor, then seek refugee status and a Canadian family is willing to adopt him if he wants to stay. I wish I could adopt him, and take away the pain after having lost not only parts of his body, but his entire family as well.

Way to go Canada! Let’s hope for more countries to follow the example and show mercy with other victims of this unfair and dirty war, starting by the aggressor… ahem! It seems there’s some debate about who’s going to take care of the boy, especially by celebrities. [Link via Kim]

It seems I’m not geek enough (only 18.54%), but I’m doing quite well with MT. Getting there…

Like I said yesterday: Movable Type 2.64 has been released. I’ll be upgrading later today or tomorrow after I get the courage to do it, since my blog is now running on MySQL and I’m with a new host; but I have the feeling things will go smoothly, especially now that I’m not using any hacks in the MT installation. That means I won’t have to go through any complicated code and change things, he he!.

Christine posted an entry asking who is reading her blog via RSS and I want to ask people who come here the same thing. Alors, how many people read this blog through RSS feeds instead of online? Leave a comment. I still have to go back to reading blogs online more often because I’ve been neglecting the non-RSS ones. Shame on me!

I have developed an obsession to the Food Network. It has come to the point that when we were going to choose which channels we would actually see on Illico (we were paying for all of them! insane!) I told Patrice “Food Network or I’ll leave”, ha ha! — Well, not exactly, but I love it. My favorite shows? Emeril Live, Canadian Living Cooks, 30-Minute Meals and Sugar (the last one is just for eye pleasure, since I’m diabetic, LOL!).

The good thing is that watching all those shows has kind of made me want to cook more, even if I don’t prepare the recipes they show. These days I want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen making stuff that makes me feel as if I were in Colombia. Lots of grains, lots of soups, food for the soul. I’m now making lentils with my mom’s recipe for “ogao” — a sauce with tomatoes, onions and other goodies you put in oil and cook and then add it to your food, for cooking or just for accompanying. It smells… mmmm!

This cooking spree is a great thing because I can make things in advance, put them in the freezer and then I won’t have to complain that we eat too much microwaveable or junk. I even got myself corn flour for homemade arepas! A respectable Colombian who doesn’t like arepas is probably out of his/her mind, at least in my opinion.

Later I’m going to make some chicken salad and I asked Patrice to stop at the charcuterie around the corner to get some good bread for sandwiches. There’s a lady from Slovenia who has wonderful things in that place and we have become kind of regular customers, plus she’s absolutely nice. Oh! I will ask him to bring me some Spanish Chorizo to make my “Garbanzos” (chick peas) — Mmmm… Tapas!

So, you see… I’m unstoppable. Anyone wanna come for dinner? Or actually, does anyone want the recipes to be posted? Let me know. I signed up for the Red Kitchen (don’t know if my account still exists — yes it does!), but I’m awful at sharing recipes. I need to be asked, but I’ll try to post more often. I’m really not too bad in the kitchen (feeling proud… I also have a green thumb!).