Have you ever felt you’ve become the worst version of yourself? I’m feeling like that this week. My level of sympathy and tolerance towards other people is at its minimum and I don’t like it at all. From reading a friend’s weblog and thinking “Gawd, you need bigger problems, you little whining brat!” to almost screaming in the car “Oh! You poor muffin! At least you have children, bitch!” when a lady on the radio calls the show host to say she’s tired because her twins are very demanding. No, I don’t like this version of myself… at all! It represents all the things I despise in some people.

I have to confess something here: I think I’m a masochist, always picturing the worst-case scenarios when things are going well in my life. You see, my existence has always been filled with some kind of drama around, call it too many deaths of loved ones, being rejected for being fat, getting a chronic disease at a young age. So I expect something bad to happen, I can’t help it! Someone told me about the rubber-band theory, you know… it stretches and stretches and then it just goes back ballistic. And things are going so well these days I don’t have the patience when people tell me to knock on wood or that this is my year because it’s like a bad omen, how stupid am I? On top of that I imagine some people might be jealous of me… how cocky!

I need my old nice self to come back. I don’t like feeling like a bitch and I certainly don’t like the things this feeling makes me do, like eating evil carbs at a Colombian restaurant. For God’s sake, Beatriz… get a grip! Time for my exercise routine.