Quiero que sepas una cosa.
Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe,
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.

Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.
Si de pronto me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.
Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa que en ese día, a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.

Pero si cada día, cada hora
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable.
Si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estaré en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.

– Pablo Neruda

When I went to Colombia for the Holidays, two days before coming back to Canada, my mom called me into her room and she had her jewels on the bed. She told me it was time to pass them to me because she wasn’t going to use them anymore (dad died, she doesn’t go out to parties anymore, and she keeps what she uses in a separate box). At first I said no because I felt a big responsibility by carrying all that gold with me, but I finally accepted (leaving some to her, though); they aren’t too many, but still… I know not only the monetary value, but also the sentimental one. These jewels have been either passed from generation to generation, given as anniversary gifts from my dad or special days gifts from my grandma. The jewels of the family are a love legacy and they mean more than just their weight.

A few weeks ago my mother in law pierced her ears again and she had the “default” earrings they gave her at the place where she had them pierced. She has been talking about getting nice gold earrings for sometime and I thought I could give (or let her borrow) a pair from my collection. When I opened the box to choose one, I just couldn’t make myself do it. I might be really selfish, but why would I give my mom’s legacy to someone who hasn’t even had the courtesy to call her once during my 5 years of marriage? Someone who hasn’t even been able to say thank you for the gifts my mom has sent her over these years? No, she doesn’t deserve my mother’s earrings.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother in law, she’s a great person; but passing a pair of earrings that mean so much to me is not something I’m going to do for her just now. She spends a big deal of money paying for an interior decorator, books, botox/therma-lift treatments, vacations to Cuba every year and dining with her best friend every weekend. She can go and buy herself something to wear. I’ll keep my mom’s love legacy for myself. Every jewel in my box was bought with great effort, we aren’t rich people.

Ok, now that my curiousity has been satisfied and that I have a Gmail account thanks to my friend K, here is my insight: Apart from the hyper-mega-big inbox, there’s nothing absolutely fantastic about it. The address book, for example, I hate that thing. Maybe because I’ve been using the most cool Yahoo! Address Book for too long and I like the way you can manage your contacts, import other addresses and such. Gmail has a very poor address book interface and I don’t like that dropdown thingy when you want to compose a message. I know it’s a BETA and I really hope they will do something about it. 100 MB offered by my beloved Yahoo! Mail is more than enough. It’ll take something huge to make me switch for good when it comes to personal e-mail.

Have I mentioned how much I’m loving Firefox and Thunderbird? Let me tell you… I don’t know what kept me under the wing of evil Bill for so many years. Ok, I HATED Netscape with all my heart because my first computer used to froze every time a Java application came up and since then I doomed Netscape. Anyway, I’m really happy with Mozilla’s programs; they’re fast, they’re user friendly, they’re “handsome” (heh!) and with Thunderbird I can have folders created automatically for every account (sweet!). The only thing that was bugging me about Firefox was actually my fault: My photo gallery looked wonky (ugly purple background), but last night with a little bit of patience and the moral support of my cool friend Babs I finally fixed it. So, life is good… Get Firefox, get Thunderbird… NOW!

I do have a couple of questions, though: 1) Where can I find a spell checker for Firefox? I’m starting to miss IESpell a big deal here, hmmm! And 2) I’m using this thingy, but how can I make the B, I, U and URL buttons of MT work in the extended entry box? Not that I’m lazy to enter the tags myself, but I like practical things… you know? Help will be appreciated. Thanks!

Patrice isn’t a “planning” kind of guy and that’s probably one of the reasons why I love him so much. He just surprises me with stuff I have no idea he’s thinking of and we have so much fun that way. Today, for example, was one of those spontaneous days of his and it served me quite well. I had been nagging him to take me to Ottawa for MONTHS because I wanted to see Canada’s capital city, but he never paid attention to me (or so I thought!) and I was sure he just didn’t want to go, but this morning he surprised me again when I thought we had absolutely no plans for the day. It was noon and he just said “Let’s go to Ottawa!”… We got ready, packed and left.

It was a really nice day for a long drive and it was Mary-Jane’s 1st birthday (that’s my car’s name, laugh at me all you want, heh!), so we went “Road Trip!”. We arrived at Parliament Hill around 2:15, walked a little, enjoyed the sun, took some photos (I’m not in any of them, I don’t like my picture taken and my camera is too young to die, ha!), I stared at the Peace Tower longer than usual (I was really impressed, I’m a kid like that) and then we made a little tour downtown. Ottawa is a really cool city, I loved it!

The trip back home was a little bit boring thanks to rush hour, but it wasn’t that bad. We got home around 7 p.m. and I put the photos in order. Now I want to take a cold shower and relax for the rest of the evening, with Patrice who is the coolest hubby in the world.

Lynda will probably be proud of me. Today I finally decided to forget about Microsoft and give a chance to Mozilla in all its splendor. I’m now officially using Firefox 0.9 as my web browser and Thunderbird 0.7 as my e-mail managing program. Let’s hope I won’t fall in the claws of Bill again, heh!

One of the things I like to put in my weblog is a weather gizmo. I have to rely in the web based ones because the MT weather plugin never wanted to work here and now the site that provides the data doesn’t work. Anyway, I went to Weather Underground to get a gizmo and I found this little jewel… so wrong. It’s QC for the Province of Quebec, not QB, you twits!

For some people it’s not a secret that I have had problems with a friend who’s sick with Cancer. I have to confess that we’ve been talking lately, not much, but at least I don’t have this feeling of abandon anymore and I’m somehow relieved. Anyway, I’m just mentioning her because I remember someone once telling me that people who get Cancer deserve it because they are bad. What a preposterous thing to say! What an irresponsible statement! Ignorance is one of the worst things that can happen to you. I don’t take diseases as a punishment from the gods or something, they just happen, because we’re not perfect, the human body is vulnerable sometimes.

Here I am today, leaving to see the Dr. in a few minutes to have my Endocrinology check-up and to ask him to take a look at my left breast and probably give me an order for a mammogram or an ultrasound because in the last few weeks things don’t seem very normal. There are no physical changes and I can’t feel any lumps (or maybe I’m just not checking carefully, fearing to actually find one), but it hurts, and even though they say pain is usually NOT a sign of Breast Cancer, I’m a little bit scared. Ok, not a little bit… I’m very scared. The last thing I need now is to be told I have Breast Cancer, but if I don’t talk to my Dr. about this, it’s going to be worse.

There, the secret that has been keeping me worried for a while is out. Some of my friends laugh at me and don’t take me seriously, but I’m concerned. It could be anything, but if you’re a woman, and one of your breasts hurts, what would you do? 70% of women will experience breast pain at some point in their lives and from those cases, 2-3% will be Cancer. It’s a very small percentage, but I just don’t want to be there. Not now that my life is finally starting to show some promising future. Wish me luck.

Update @ 2:49 p.m.: My endocrinologist (sweet, sweet man, God bless him!) performed an examination and told me that I have cysts in my breasts (Fibrocystic Condition, it seems), but that I shouldn’t be concerned about Breast Cancer. He said he didn’t feel any suspicious hard lump and told me I’m too young (although I know BC cases at 25), plus there is no Cancer history in my family. He said I could talk to my GP and go for a mammogram if that makes me feel better, but that he wasn’t concerned at all. It’s a relief, yes, but I’m still going to get an appointment with my GP and a mammogram done.

On the really good side: All blood work numbers came perfectly normal.