This year was really hard for me, I was pushed to my limits, I discovered there is the kind of pain that will break your soul in a million pieces, but I also learned that if we don’t let it take over we are capable of great things. I think I’ve cried more tears this year than in my whole life, but I have also received so much love and support that no matter how sad I feel, I know there always will be someone willing to help me walk the winded road.

It’s funny how my life has been marked with the number 5. I was born on the 5th of December, I was the 5th kid of the family, I lived all my childhood in house # 5, then moved to another # 5 house when I went to college, my married life I lived in apartment # 5, my marriage was over in the 5th year and 2005 feels like the year I was born again. Ah! And I’m moving to apartment 205 on Monday, go figure! I don’t know what it means, but I always think of it. 2005 will be over in a few hours and I want it to be over, not because it was a bad year, but because I will feel I’m moving forward.

2006… Going back to college, getting my degree, living on my own. It sounds so scary, but I have nothing to lose. I’m here, starting all over, empty hands and all. I didn’t break and I won’t break. When I talk to my mother she always tells me that things are going to be all right and I trust her heart, because it’s never been wrong. She’s far away, but I feel her with me all the time and her support will keep me going.

Now to finish this post, a dream my mom had: She was walking a long road and she suddenly felt tired and sad. She sat on a rock and felt someone’s arms on her shoulders. She then turned her head there was grandma, all smiles, telling her not to be afraid because things would be just fine. My grandma passed away in 2002, she was the most corageous woman I’ve known and I do believe I’m getting a message from her, to tell me to be strong and to go on because good things will happen to those of us who have faith.

Happy New Year, everyone. I’m planning to live my life to the fullest in 2006.

I’m packing again. Moving to my new place next week and freaking out about it. But come to think of it… If I dragged 5 friggin’ bags all the way from Colombia, all by myself, and I survived customs at Pearson airport in Toronto, why wouldn’t I be able to move 15 minutes away, huh? And then I will have people helping me and then I don’t have anything but clothes and a PC. Oh yes, I’m gonna be OK. I guess it’s this whole new life as a student that is making me nervous. But what an adventure… w00t!

Now it’s time to relax. Have to take a shower because I’m going to see Andrés (my Colombian friend and fellow Biologist) and Léa (his GF) for supper. We’re cooking pasta. Life is good and the people in charge of weather up there are being extremely nice.

When I take a close look at my life and I realize that 1) I’m all by myself in another country with absolutely no family around, 2) My two best friends in the world are around the globe, one in Japan trying to build a life of her own and one in Africa working with Doctors Without Borders in some remote place saving lives, 3) the only mean of communication I have with my loved ones is a computer and hardly no voice, 4) I know there is no one to do things for me or with me — Well, I feel freaking lonely, almost wanting to scream. I wonder why life works in ways that I have to make decisions that will make me feel like breaking down sometimes in order to do something of value. I wonder when things went so wrong for me to feel like this…

Then I think about it all carefully. I read the long e-mail my best friend in Africa sent me from the middle of nowhere, some place in Angola called Mavinga, telling me how much she cares about me. I read the message my best friend in Japan wrote for Christmas to tell me to be strong. I receive a phone call from my mother whose heart is breaking because she knows I’m sad, yet she tells me to trust her gut because things are going to be all right, she knows it. Then I don’t feel so alone, because this is just distance… a freaking long distance between me and the most special people in my life, but still just distance. People are always there to support me, even if I can’t hear their voices. People are thinking of me, even if they can’t say it all the time. And people love me because I’m worth loving, because they know who I am.

And then there are my new friends, the ones I spent Christmas with, the ones who tell me I’m not going to be alone here, the ones who tell me they are my family. It is overwhelming… My life has become something I never thought it would and it’s hard, but I’m doing my best and this is just starting. I need strength, I need courage and I need to be convinced that there is always a way God uses to let us know everything happens for a reason.

“However long the night, the dawn will break.” — African Proverb

From me, to you, lots of good wishes for a wonderful Christmas. I’m still deciding if I’m in the holiday mood or not. Kinda hard to be so far away from my family, but I’m getting together with my new friends in town and it should be fun, so I better go and get ready for the partee. Have a good one and God bless you!

I’m all for Firefox upgrades, but Weatherfox won’t work with the new version. Boohoo! Somebody, please… Geek me out again!

Do you fully realize how very rich you are? Or do you instead choose to focus on lack and limitation? You are alive and aware in a universe that is filled with endless possibilities. And as each new moment arrives, those possibilities increase.

It makes no sense to think of your life in terms of what you don’t have. For that kind of thinking cuts you off from the real richness that can be yours.

Take just one small positive thing in your life and spend a little time truly appreciating it. The more you focus on the goodness, the more of it there will be.

The more fully you realize how rich you are, the more access you’ll have to that richness. The more you appreciate the positive possibilities, the more valuable those possibilities become.

Now matter what your situation or circumstance, life is filled with the richness of positive possibilities. See that richness and you will begin to truly live it.

– Ralph Marston

Google Earth, so cool! I wasted a litte… errr… a lot of time playing with it today. Some locations are amazingly clear, wowsa! I’m just wondering how many stalkers are finding it cool as well. LOL.

No need for introductions… The most beautiful thing I’ve read in a while.