Monthly Archives: April 2006

Joyeuses Pâques

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Trying not to get in a nostalgic mood today and really not succeeding, but I guess it’s normal when you have to spend Easter alone. All my roomies left for the weekend to join either friends or family and it feels really weird to have the house this empty. FORTUNATELY, as of 3:05 p.m. I got a call from Miss Eleanor and we’re going to get together with some friends from school for supper (Fondue au chocolat… wheee!). I know it will make me feel a lot of better, I managed to get myself in some new doodoo last night and I’m not proud of it. Oh well… It’s Easter, new beginnings!

Le coeur ouvert

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2 heures du matin. Après une soirée “flat” avec des inconnus gentils, je me retrouve chez McDo avec mon ami, mon trio quart de livre et une tasse de café que je n’ai pas vraiment envie de boire. L’odeur de la place me rappel des moments vécus dans lesquels j’étais heureuse et je me demande pourquoi tout a changé de même si vite.

Ma tête qui tourne, des frissons qui envahissent mon corps, et une malaise générale car je ne veux pas rentrer chez moi. Un message m’attend, et je connais le contenu en avance… Ce n’est pas cette fois non plus. Je ramasse les petites pièces de mon coeur qui tombent devant moi, j’essuie quelques larmes qui coulent sur mon visage, et je continue à vivre parce qu’il n’y a pas de choix, parce que la raison de ma tristesse est plutôt stupide.

J’aimerais tellement que ça ne fasse pas mal, mais j’ai mal, j’ai perdu le control. Tout ce que j’ai essayé d’éviter pendant des mois est en train de se passer et la seule coupable… c’est moi. Maintenant c’est juste moi et mes pensées, moi toute seule, mes défenses à terre, mon coeur ouvert.

I’ll Stand By You (Pretenders)

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Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when…
When the night falls on you, baby
You’re feeling all alone
You won’t be on your own

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you.

Le beau soleil !

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I’ve been out with my friends all day enjoying the weather, sunny, balmy, crispy… you name it. First studying at Café Cambio (absolutely cool place downtown), then a walk on Racine street, visit to the flea market, a little bit of shopping here and there (grand total of 7 dollars), spaghetti late lunch on the porch swing, hacky sack game in front of the house, scooter ride on the hills of Chicoutimi and some good laughs. We were planning on a kickball game, but we weren’t able to recruit many players. Now we’re about to play Nintendo and then… a beer at the pub.

Somehow I feel I was dead before, for long time. And now I feel more alive than ever. Quelle vie platte que j’ai vécu à la banlieue de Montréal !

Good advice

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Best advice I’ve had today, from my friend at school: “Pour le moment, met carrément de côté ce qui ne t’aide pas, ce qui ne t’apporte pas la paix…”

It means “For now, put aside everything that doesn’t help you and that doesn’t bring you peace”. I’m sad, I’m tired, I have too much on my plate and I’m afraid of losing control when I only have 3 weeks left of school. Last big test next week and then a couple of papers to submit, but I feel my energy running low at the speed of light. Maybe it’s just that, I’m tired. Maybe I just need to stop thinking about certain things. Maybe I should go to the doctor (I will). Maybe I should just forget that I’m getting divorced for the remaining of this session.

But yes, as much as I don’t want to, I will have to put some things AND people aside for a few days. There’s only so much we can deal with and I’m not a juggler, nor I have a magic wand.