I’m here listening to Arianne Moffatt’s latest album. I’d wanted to buy it for a long time and always found something else to do instead of going to Archambault. Turns out my friend found a CD case in the street, the album was there, so he gave it to me… He he he! So yes, I’m here listening to her very cool music while there’s a beef stew simmering in the kitchen. My laundry is clean and dry and now I need to fold it and arrange it. The apartment is clean as well and I feel accomplished after a very busy week where I worked three 14-hours shifts from Wednesday to Friday. Life sure is busy for me and I have to do everything by myself, no one to help me, but I like it.

In the middle of all the work madness I managed to visit awesome places in the region. Last Tuesday we hit the road with a friend from Toronto and visited the Historical Village of Val-Jalbert. Amazing view of the Lac-Saint-Jean from the Chute Ouiatchouan, beautiful “sentiers” to go hiking, the Ghost Town looks like the one in the movie Big Fish. We ended the day on the Saint-Gedeon beach and ate tourtière and chocolate covered blueberries at a local resto. Very SagLac, let me tell you!

Today I went hiking on the mountains of the most beautiful place I’ve seen here so far: Sainte-Rose-du-Nord, a little village on the rocky shores of the Saguenay river, we then sat under the sun and picked a few wild blueberries (Yeah, lots of those here… Au Royaume des bleuets). It is so freaking beautiful I felt like crying, I know… Ridiculous. I didn’t want to leave and I certainly am going back as soon as I can. My friend managed to convince me to walk on the muddy shore in Saint-Fulgence and I came back with my feet all dirty.

When I feel all sad because I’m away from my family or when I start thinking about what has happened to me, I remind myself of all these good things, of my freedom, my independence, the fact that I feel liberated, the fact that I don’t have to live isolated with a person with no passion… This is good, all good. I love le Saguenay–Lac-Saint-Jean. This is the place where I discovered all the things I’m capable of doing, this is the place where I became a stronger person. God bless this region.

As posted on Divorce message board:

Today would’ve been my 7th wedding anniversary. When I tell people about it I get an infamous “Oh, I’m sorry!” — Why are they sorry? It’s just a statement, I’m not complaining, I’m not miserable about it. July 24 will always be remembered, I know it. I suppose it isn’t funny to think about it now that everything’s gone to the crapper, but I am okay.

I’ve decided to celebrate singlehood. One of my good friends arrived from Toronto this evening and I couldn’t be happier. We went to have dinner at a cool resto, had a few beers, then hit the bar and had an Irish coffee and tomorrow she and my other friend will pick me at work and we’ll spend the night at camp on the lake. A few drinks, a nice fire, good company. I don’t have a reason to be sad now… I really don’t!

Everything’s in order, my simple life is going well and as hard as all this has been I can’t stay here feeling sorry for what happened anymore. It’s been too long, I know I will have bad days for a while until one day I’ll accept it like I should. Yes, I was wondering if my EX will remember what day is it, but what does it matter? I’m okay, I suppose he’s okay and even if this day holds a meaning, it’s all in the past. I will probably shed a tear or two because I’m human, because it’s normal. But I won’t let sadness invade my space… Not this time. Today I choose to celebrate singlehood, celebrate life.

A quote by Khalil Gibran: “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.“

I have this absolutely cool friend who lives in Australia and we’re on MSN voice chat quite often. Considering the huge time difference, sometimes I get to talk to him at wee hours, so last night we were having a nice convo when his phone rang, it was his mom, so I just waited for him to be done with it. Well… I was so tired I fell asleep…

Here, excerpts of our current chat session:

Jason says:
what I found most amusing is that you were snoring lmao
Beatriz says:
I WAS???
Jason says:
yes …I was talkin to mum and I could hear you lol
Beatriz says:
no, you couldn’t!
Jason says:
I could… I even turned the volume up to check that it was you and it was
Beatriz says:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
Jason says:
nope
why would I kid you
Beatriz says:
i can’t stop laughing!
lmaooo!
Jason says:
it was very funny
but it was not loud snoring
more like heavy gurgling breathing.

Oh God… I can’t stop laughing!

I understand it is damn expensive for Ottawa to bring all the canadian residents in Lebanon back to the country, but it’s disturbing to hear that hundreds of permanent residents will be left behind while citizens will be able to return. The government claims permanent residents have the same rights as citizens, but not in the political instance. That just sucks, I once was a permanent resident, these people immigrated to Canada looking for a better life and now they’re stuck in the middle of yet another non-sensical war, unable to return because they are not citizens.

Who’s to blame here? Harper? Israel? I have no idea. I’m not for political discussions these days, but let me tell you something… I’m disgusted with our Prime Minister and his warmonger policy that resembles too much to that of the man living in the White House.

I’m sure people actually don’t care about this, but I explained what I do for a job to someone and I thought I could just copy and paste it here, so peeps actually have an idea.

I have a summer job with ALCAN. I make part of the industrial hygiene team and I take care of the Heat Stress tests. What does that mean? It’s an aluminium plant, right? The rooms where the aluminium is made get really hot (they are called Pot Rooms — No silly comments, please!), especially during summer since the metal fusion goes up to 900°C (Yes, quite hot!). The guys who work in these rooms are exposed to high temperatures radiated by the aluminium pots, increasing their risk to suffer from heat shock.

Now that I gave you the introduction…

The guys work 12-hours shifts. My job is to perform these Heat Stress tests by installing a Heat Stress monitor on the helmet of one of the guys and follow him during the day, noting what kind of activity he’s doing to calculate physical effort and then at the end of the day I have a bunch of temperature records which help me determine if he exposed himself too much and if he respected the proper alternance periods (between working in a hot environment and taking a rest in the air conditioning room).

Someone asked why I work 14 hours? Because I have to be at work one hour before the shift starts so I can prepare my equipment and I have to leave one hour after the shift ends because I have to go in the laboratory, download the data in the monitor and leave things ready for the next day. It depends on the weather, if it’s hot I work 3 days a week, if it’s not too hot, I have regular office hours from 8 to 4, 5 days a wek.

And yes, I love my job.

Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you…

50 thousand tears I’ve cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won’t hear me.
I’m going under…

Don’t want your hand this time, I’ll save myself
Maybe I’ll wake up for once
Not tormented… Daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I’d reached the bottom

I’m dying again…

I’m going under
Drowning in you
I’m falling forever
I’ve got to break through
I’m going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can’t trust myself anymore

I’m dying again…

So go on and scream
Scream at me
I’m so far away
I won’t be broken again
I’ve got to breathe
I can’t keep going under

Since Brazil was eliminated from the Soccer World Cup (pity!) I really have no favourite for today’s final. The match is now tied 1-1 (France vs. Italy). It is said we all take sides sometimes, so I’ve decided it would be cool if Zizou left the soccer world after kissing another cup. So, France it is!

Update: Zizou’s an idiot. What a graceful retirement from the soccer world. I hate (HATE) Soccer World Cup finals defined on penalty shots. That’s not soccer, that’s a lottery! But well done, Italy.

Funny that even if I’m living in a country where freedom of expression is something people are proud of, I feel like I can’t say much about my life in here anymore. For the past 8 months I’ve tried to say as little as possible about the things I do, fearing that someone uses it against me because it has happened. That someone will be gone from my life for good very soon, but I still don’t feel safe posting here.

I had to see printed pages of my weblog at my lawyer’s office. Pages that were sent by someone’s lawyer in order to prove I don’t know what because he wanted to avoid a responsibility. The story is so long and so ridiculous it isn’t worth to share, but it’s over. I finally decided no money can pay for my peace of mind and once I realized I could take care of myself I let it go because I AM, indeed, the honest person my ex-husband CANNO’T be. Details are not important anymore.

I guess all I wanted to say is that I probably will close this weblog and write anonymously somewhere else. Not fun when you feel persecuted on top of being humiliated, cheated on and lied to. I hope he’s happy with what he has done. I never imagined I would have to see the lowest of the human behaviour. I just don’t think life won’t take care of it one day.