Monthly Archives: August 2006

If I can stop one heart from breaking

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I’m not posting about this to play hero of the night. I’m posting this to show one of the many faces of divorce and how much hurt it can cause. I’m actually crying, angry… Really angry.

I have spent the last hour and a half trying to help someone who’s dealing with a lot of pain. Someone who, like me, was dumped by her husband, abandoned, cheated on, betrayed. She’s suicidal, pretty much decided to do this, and now I’m at wits end trying to get all the information I can, so a bunch of friends and I can contact the authorities in her city. It’s frustrating, it’s scary, I feel like I could scream.

Why, why do people go in life hurting others so much? Why is there so much lack of commitment? Why do some people become jerks and try to destroy us? Isn’t it enough that they stop loving us? Why the need to humiliate us? Why the need to make us feel so worthless? Where’s compassion? Where’s mercy? I’m talking to this woman and thinking that inflicting this kind of pain on someone who has loved you without paying for it is the most unfair thing in the world. And somehow, people get away with it… Unbelievable.

A year and 8 months ago I was feeling exactly how this woman is feeling tonight. Hopeless, broken, scared, worthless. I made it through, I survived this fucking nightmare. Now I want to make sure I can help others, because I want to pay it forward, all the help I’ve received. I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for the people who took the time to listen to me when I was going through my darkest moments. People who gave me a chance, the chance that idiot I married didn’t give me. People who didn’t judge me, people who saw me for what I really am. People who know what love is. Unfortunately, my ex-husband knows nothing about it; selfish people like him are responsible for the kind of pain I’ve experienced, the kind of pain I’m seeing someone go through tonight.

I think I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure people who suffer what I’ve suffered have someone to talk to. I’ll make sure no one goes unheard and that at least I will make a difference. I can’t fix people’s problems, but I can try to make them see that giving up is not an option.

If I can stop one heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain
If I can ease one life the aching
Or cool one pain
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again
I shall not live in vain.
– Emily Dickinson

Feeling Good!

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Had so much fun last night at the Festival des rythmes du monde. We couldn’t see much of DobaCaracol’s show because the place was crowded (they close Racine street for the festival), so we saw this amazing group from Guinea and then Luck Mervil made the city dance for two hours with a bunch of really cool creole songs. I didn’t care about the fact I was crampy, I danced my butt off last night with my friends and then we went for a fire and I met a few people from Chile, absolutely nice! Came home around 2:30, all boozed and crinquée.

This morning I’m “chillaxing” (thanks for teaching me weird words, Manitoba!), doing laundry and cooking. I just talked to my mommy and my auntie on the phone and then I received a message from one of my roomies from last session to tell me he’s coming back to Chicoutimi today and that he will be at “La maison du bonheur” (House of Happiness) around noon today. I can’t wait to see him again, this place looks lonely!

I’m looking forward to starting school in two weeks. As much as I loved working this summer, it’s time for a change. And next session will be even better now that I know more people and that I’ve become a real Saguenéenne.

Live from Laptop!

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When I started my job at Alcan at the beginning of Summer I said I was going to save as much as I could for school, but that I was going to give myself a nice gift for all my hard work. The day came yesterday, I bought a LAPTOP! Oh what fun it is to blog sitting on my bed under a blankie. It is way more practical for school and this one wasn’t expensive at all. 60 GB Hard Drive, 512 MB, Intel Centrino processor, Wireless LAN (so I can get online anywhere, anytime, woot!), LCD wide screen. I like it! I’m going to keep my desktop just for fun and use this one for university.

It’s very nice outside, sunny and crispy. I’m going with my friends to see DobaCaracol at the Festival International des Rythmes du Monde on Racine street tonight. I was too busy this week to go to the other shows (worked 56 hours!), but I’m making up today. Then my friend Amélie is having a little private party at her place and I’ll get to see Eleanor before she goes back to Toronto. I feel good… new laptop, nice weather and something cool to do.

How’s your weekend going?

Fighter (Christina Aguilera)

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When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn’t trust
‘Cause your bluff time is up
‘Cause I’ve had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
‘Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
‘Cause if it wasn’t for all that you tried to do
I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

‘Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you’re going around
Playing, the victim now
But don’t, even begin
Feeling I’m the one to blame
‘Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won’t work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it’s over
‘Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture
I wouldn’t know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

‘Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter.