OK, let’s elaborate on this one. I’m feeling crappy because it’s normal to feel crappy when something doesn’t work out the way we want it to. Am I sad? Sure, I am. Am I going to die of heartbreak? Hell, no! If I have learned anything after all I’ve been through, it is that sometimes it is better to say goodbye than to stay around and hurt ourselves even more. The only thing I can gather from my feeling like caca right now is that somehow I’m finally learning to decide what’s right for me, even if it doesn’t feel that right at the beginning. This is a first, actually. I usually just stayed in an unhealthy situation for fear of being alone, but now I just decided that the pain of being alone is more bearable.

Now I remember some words from my mother, a very wise woman. She said “It’s better to cry a few salty tears right now, than crying blood tears later.” — In with the salt, out with the blood. This hurts, it’s normal, deal with it and move on.

Quote from the movie The Weatherman: “The hardest thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same.” — I couldn’t agree more right now.

After a few weeks of feeling unsure, insecure, disappointed, frustrated and afraid (miserable, actually), today I finally got back to my senses and called off something that could’ve become a real mess in my life. The decision wasn’t easy and it required hours of thinking and talking to people who probably thought I wasn’t listening. I was, yet I still was trying to figure out how to get out of the situation and battling against a very stubborn heart.

Sometimes you really want something, but all the signs are there that it’s just not going to work. Some people call it red flags, I hate those words, but yes… They were red and huge. One day you wake up thinking you can touch the sky with your hands, but reality shows you a totally different thing and you have to come in terms with it. I did, I finally did and I’m thankful for that.

I was out on the porch last night, smoking a ciggie, and I asked God to put the answer in my heart. I woke up this morning feeling completely convinced of what I wanted to do, of what I needed to do, for my peace of mind. Am I 100% happy with the decision? No, but I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and now I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

And this is yet another proof of how much I’ve grown and how much I’ve learned to put myself before anyone because I’m the one responsible for my feelings and my well being. And for that, I’m very, very grateful.

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” — Gotta love that quote, so true!

NEXT!