I’m here talking to my friend in Chicago and she’s asking me for suggestions to send something to her very nice boyfriend on Sweetest Day. So I’m looking at this website with lots of really cute things to send, teddy bears, doggies, chocolate covered strawberries, balloons… And I realized it’s been a looong time since anyone gave me a gift. I think the last gift I got was for my birthday last year and it didn’t even feel sincere. I felt like crying… It’s just really hard to realize that no matter how many people I have around me, I still feel completely alone. I know I have people who care about me, but those people are not here. And love is not measured with material things, but I can’t remember when was the last time I received a gift that really touched my heart. Or maybe I’m just being ungrateful and don’t remember the little day to day things people have done for me.

But if I think about it carefully, what makes me sad is the lack of love in my life. The kind of love that makes your heart skip a beat every day. The chocolate covered strawberry love. The kind of love that makes you want to buy teddy bears and flowers. The one that makes you write a song or a poem. I miss that in my life, a lot. It hurts… And I don’t like feeling sorry for myself, but right now I’m here sitting and tearing up because I don’t know if the day will come when I will feel like walking in the mall and looking for cute cards to send to the person I love. It’s tough when you feel you have a lot of love to give and there’s no one around to do it. I guess I miss giving more than receiving… I guess I just want to love again and I’m started to feel frustrated because the couple of times I’ve tried to do that during the last two years, I only ended up getting hurt.

I woke up angry and frustrated today. Feeling like for the last couple of months all I’ve done has gone down the drain, I feel insulted and put down by someone I grew fond of. So I just got ready, came to work at the lab and when I checked my school e-mail I found a message from my closest pal, Steph, to tell me we should get together to study tomorrow and prepare a few lab reports.

She’s not the sweetest person on earth and we don’t have heart to heart convos often, but at the end of the message she wrote a P.S., she sent me a couple of photos to remind me that life sure isn’t easy sometimes, but there are reasons to smile. One photo was a beautiful beach, the other one was her very cute little daughter. I cried. You never know who’s gonna brighten even your cloudy days. I think I’m underestimating Steph, she’s a great friend and she knows I’ve been feeling sad, but she doesn’t ask questions. She sure made me feel like people do care and that I shouldn’t give importance to those who don’t deserve it.