A very sad thing about separation and divorce is that, somehow in the middle of our pain and frustration, we tend to look only at the “bad” side of the person we were with. Then the name calling starts and the person we once loved with all our heart becomes the devil himself. It is hard to take a look back and realize that at some point things were good and we were in love; mostly because we’re hurt and we want to justify the breakup making appear the other part as the big bad wolf. Quite sad…

When my marriage was over, one of the things I asked the most from God, was that my heart wouldn’t fill up with resentment because it would only hurt me. I’ve called my ex-husband names many times, and then I feel sorry for it. I know it’s like self-defence, a way to feel better… Who knows! But I made a promise to myself a long time ago, not to say anything bad about the man I shared my life with for almost 6 years. And while what happened at the end was one of the most painful experiences I’ve had to live, I know he’s not a bad person. We both made mistakes, but we also had plenty of good moments I will always cherish because in some ways they made me the person I am today.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Probably because it makes me very sad to see how people who are going through a divorce/separation tend to say horrible things about the person who’s not with them anymore. Why do we have to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves? A breakup is no laughing matter, but crap happens. And we have two choices: get bitter or get better. The fact that a relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean the other part is a loser or someone who doesn’t deserve to be loved or happy. We are all humans, and that makes us NOT perfect.

I have no idea of what things my ex-husband has said about me and I really don’t care anymore. For him I may be the wrong person to be with, for someone else I may be the right one and that goes for everyone. I just hope that some day, when he looks back, he will be able to realize that it wasn’t all bad and that I brought something into his life, just the way he did to mine.

There are times in life when things happen that make us feel like we have failed. We’re heartbroken and hurt, but we keep walking and try to make the best out of a bad situation. With pain comes acceptance, too. Then time goes by and with every new experience (big or small) we learn to know ourselves, what we want and, most of all, what we don’t want if there are things in our past we don’t consider good for ourselves. And then one day we wake up and we’re faced with a new opportunity, a new beginning.

Life is about risking it all, and I have learnt that I’m a big risk taker. For someone who thinks she was always afraid of life, I’m someone who has taken big leaps of faith and, fortunately, they have always led me to places and situations where I’ve been happy despite the sacrifices. But there is always the question in my head if I’ll be able to do things better than I did before. Have I really learnt from my past? The funny thing is that I won’t know as long as I don’t live my day to day and not stress about trying to be perfect in any way.

If we know there are thing we’d like to change to become better people, then we make the decision to change and we cross our fingers for things to be good when we have a new road ahead of us and that road looks like it’s going to be a hell of a ride…