Monthly Archives: January 2007

The Science of God

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In the movie “The Truth About Cats and Dogs,” Ben Chaplin (Brian) gives Uma Thurman (Noelle) “Simone de Beauvoir’s Letters to Jean-Paul Sartre,” and being a pretty but dumb girl, she tells him she needs to read the book with a dictionary to understand the big words. I find myself in the same situation now, not because I’m pretty or dumb, but because I picked “The Science of God” at the library, and it isn’t an easy read.

I was born and raised inside a very Catholic family, with strong religious values, and the conviction of a Creator. When I decided to study Biology and took my first Evolution class, I started doubting what I was taught by my parents, the church and the nuns I went to school with. I had a notion Darwin’s Evolution Theory, which was always dismissed as being completely insane. But when I learnt more about it, and I started getting straight A’s thanks to the essays I wrote, I began to believe more and more, and being a scientist-wannabe I took that side of the story. Not without feeling guilty, though.

Over the years I’ve been trying to conciliate my Catholic values with my scientific knowledge. I’ve been struggling because somehow I ended up believing that they were exclusive, or that I was simply crazy for thinking that even thought there is an evolution process that can be seen and studied, its beginning lies in God. I was shocked every time one of my teachers flat denied the existence of a Creator, I felt like I was going against everything I believe in. It was white or black, never grey.

A couple of months ago I came across an article in Time Magazine, where Richard Dawkins and Francis Collins (Director of the Human Genome Research Institute) had a debate about this issue. Dawkins being an all-for-science person, and Collins bringing God into his equation. The different articles and books mentioned in that discussion picked my curiosity, but especially the ones that bring up two sides of this debate, and find their common grounds. While browsing the library last week, I saw Gerald Schroeder‘s “The Science of God” and had to bring it home. It’s taking me longer than usual to go through each page, and like I said I need to use a dictionary, but I’m enjoying it.

I don’t think there is an absolute truth about the God vs. science issue, but when I see that some big people in the scientific community aren’t putting God aside, it makes feel like I’m not going against my values and beliefs. I’m sure I’ll have more comments once I’m done with my reading.

Words Per Minute

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Give me a challenge, and I’ll probably accept it. Not that I was challenged, but my best friend asked me about those WPM typing tests and I had to go and take one. Typing speed? 78 WPM. Accuracy level? 97% — Not bad. The test was in English. I’m looking for a Spanish one to see how I do.

Update: Oh, I suck at typing Spanish! I blame the keyboard and the ASCII code I have to use for all the accented characters, the “ñ” and the freaking [ ] that I had to find in order to type. Results: 55 WPM. Accuracy: 96%.

Will I do it in French? More news at 6. ;)

A million threads

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When starting a new serious relationship after almost 2 years of being alone, I had the normal fears of any person whose marriage ended. Fear of making the same mistakes, fear of getting hurt again, fear of not being capable of giving, fear of not being suitable for anyone. Once the bond of marriage is broken, we start wondering about what went wrong. We go from feeling like a victim, to feeling like the torturer. Blame, guilt, regrets. And then there’s lots of analyzing our past relationship, so we can learn something from it all, but most of all, avoid anything from that past relationship that can jeopardize the new one.

Of course I want to say my boyfriend is an amazing person, almost Superman-like, but that’s just because I’m in love and biased like in 10 different levels. But amongst the many little lessons I learn from him every day, here’s my favourite: Relationships are like a cord formed by different threads. The more threads it has, the more resistant that cord is. The threads are twisted and bind for extra support. What he’s trying to say is that every relationship needs a lot of variety in likes, values, goals, and day to day experiences. Those threads are needed for the relationship to be strong, for its success.

How many threads are there in my relationship cord? I have absolutely no idea, but I have the feeling it has WAY more than the old cord. The most important being trust, and the conviction that once we decide to share our life with someone, it is a commitment and it should be respected. With 60% of marriages going to the dumpster, I still want to believe love can last. So I’ll become a knitter, adding more threads every day, in different colours, and different styles. And I’ll hold on to that cord with all that I am, and all that I have.

One Day

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When someone breaks your heart into a million pieces, you have to start picking them up slowly. You don’t think it’s possible to recover and that the pain will last forever. You see yourself in the middle of a dark room, and are convinced there is no way out. Then you start seeing a little guiding light, you fight back those ugly feelings, you do what you have to do to keep going despite the pain. It takes longer than you think, and there are many setbacks. You feel like you haven’t cried so much before.

But then one day you wake up and realize that you’ve made it to the other side of pain, and you cry because you’re happy. You feel proud because the only person who took you to the other side is YOU. You feel proud for still believing and for not giving up. You look back and see that getting your heart broken was probably what you needed in order to see the world through different eyes.

And then one day, when you’re finally ready, someone else comes into your life to show you what an amazing capacity of loving you have. So you smile again, you feel strongly again, and you cross your fingers until they hurt, wishing that feeling will last forever. That’s when you realize you’re alive, because you’re in love again. And the person who broke your heart is nothing but one of many experiences in your life. Then you forgive.