If someone called me today, to ask me about my ex-husband, let’s say for a job, I’m sure I would tell them nothing but good things about him. Sure, our marriage didn’t work, God knows why, we weren’t meant to be together for too long. Sure, what happened when he decided to get separated wasn’t nice, but what divorce is pretty? We both made mistakes. But is he a bad, horrible, despicable person? No, he isn’t. What happened two years ago doesn’t define who we both are. And when you’re able to see people for what they truly are, despite the bad things that happened between you and them, does it mean you’re healed? Because I think it does, and for that I’m happy.

Now, do I wish he feels the same way? I sure do. He left because he couldn’t bear with who I was and the impact I was having in his life. But I truly hope he doesn’t think of me and feels the need to puke. I hope that he’s able to look back and realize that it wasn’t all bad, and that I’m a good person, just not the right person for him. But since I can’t control his thoughts or feelings, I’ll be happy with knowing that I’ve forgiven, and that I can say that he is a good human being.

Have you ever felt like you want to stand-up for a loved one — a family member, a friend– yet you know you will only cause more trouble? But I’m angry and disgusted. Quite shocked as well, with the revolting way some people behave. Whatever life brings on the negative side, whatever trials we go through, our true soul will show; and each one of our words will be a reflection of what we have inside. That’s why words should be impeccable (from L. impeccabilis “not liable to sin.”), especially written words which stay forever.

It really saddens me to see how little some human beings have inside. So little, that the only way to prove themselves right is to spurt a series of filthy words to make a point. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I like playing the devil’s advocate, but this is the kind of person I don’t want to get their side of the story from, it’s not worth it. Anyone who uses what we have said to them, because we trust them, against us is not worth it.

Now excuse me, I need water for the bitter taste. *Gag*

While doing some cleaning after the weekend, I’ve been watching “Home Alone 2″. I like it because my daddy used to love that movie, and he laughed like a kid. Anyway, one of the last scenes, when Kevin’s mom is looking for him all over NYC, made me cry. There she is, not giving up, wanting her kid to be safe. And why am I so sentimental over this? Because I miss my mom. It doesn’t matter we’re 7 or 32, there is a sense of safety when it comes to our mothers nothing can take away. It doesn’t matter if it’s a wounded knee or a broken heart, mom will always make us feel better. During the hardest times of my life, my mom has been the only person who can make me feel like everything is going to be fine; the only person I want to run to to fix my booboos, the woman whose lap I’ve cried on countless times.

I was reading Mitch Albom’s For One More Day, and there is a line that goes “That’s the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead of going into every fight with backup, you are going into every fight alone.” — That’s exactly how I feel when I think about my late dad. With all the things that I’ve gone through lately, sometimes I’ve thought they would’ve been easier if he was still around. But then I still have my mom, and she’s my backup. And even though it makes me sad to be away from her, I know that I just have to grab the phone, and her voice will make me see the colour of the world through my tears.