I Don’t Want to Carry the Weight Anymore

Moving to Chicago meant I had to get a whole new set of doctors. I’ve been lucky enough to find good ones that (seem to) know what they are doing and with very short drives from home. My first visit with the endocrinologist was great and I’ve been taking care of myself, following (almost) all his recommendations. Next appointment was with the OB-GYN to discuss my rather frustrating femaleness and the whole trying to conceive thing; not an easy task for a person like me.

I am not blind to my health issues. I am morbidly obese (that took courage to write down!), I have type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a poor-functioning thyroid gland and other conditions related to my weight. It annoys me to no end when people talk to me as if they think I have no idea of what I have to deal with. Yet I don’t do enough to change things; or maybe I do but it doesn’t work.

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Earth Shaking, Hearts Bleeding

One of the most striking images I’ve seen of the Haiti earthquake’s aftermath is one of a child sitting on the street with this huge fear in his eyes. He can’t be older than 6 or 7 and the desperation on his face makes me cry every time I see it. I feel what that child feels and I want to run there, carry him on my arms and tell him everything is going to be fine; I want to protect him so much. I haven’t been able to find a photo of that child online, but I keep seeing it on TV news. It’s one of those scenes that will be forever engraved in my mind.

A country like Haiti, already hit not only by political turmoil and violence, but a series of hurricanes in a short period of time… you don’t think it can get any worse for the poorest nation of the western hemisphere. And then the earth shakes like it hasn’t in two centuries. You wonder how those people can be on the streets singing hymns. I for one ask myself (or the universe) why do these things happen? Why do people who are already suffering greatly have to go through something so devastating? I guess I have to follow my mom’s advice and don’t ask why.

Some people don’t seem to care much. Others realize this is just another tragedy in the world and choose not to let it get to them. But for me, this is a reason to stop and think what am I really doing to help the world, especially those in need? Sometimes I dream about joining a humanitarian mission and spending sometime in some place where I can make a difference in people’s life. While that may not be realistic sometimes because my life engagements and setting, I always try to help in other ways.

Mashable.com has a great post on Ways You Can Help. Take a look at it and, please, consider helping the people of Haiti.

I don’t make resolutions, but…

This year is a little different. Maybe it’s the numbers, multiples of 5 (it’s 2010 and I just turned 35); maybe it’s because 2010 is the Year of the Tiger and I’m one; or maybe I’m going through some kind of mid-life crisis that is turning out to be more positive than crazy. Whatever the reason is, I feel like I’ll be going through some big changes and I like it.

The biggest project of 2010 for me will be to pro-actively work on trying to conceive. For years I longed for one, it didn’t happen, I was miserable, then I accepted it… and then I gave up. OK, I wouldn’t put it that way; I simply started thinking that if it was God’s will for me not to have children, I would accept it without question. And when I married John, one of the things that I loved the most about him was the fact that, while he would love to have kids, he really didn’t care if we could or not. After all, there is always adoption.

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