Striving for Happiness
This is something I've been thinking about lately. When my husband told me that happiness was like a switch and I just had to turn it on, I thought the idea was too simplistic and rather unrealistic. I've grown up thinking that when life sucks, then we just have to pout and let it suck for a while until it gets better. In my little head I never thought it was my own task to be happy despite life's "suckiness." We humans are so used to complain about everything, that it doesn't matter when things get good, we still think they suck because we want more. And that makes think of the following:
The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are:
1. Suffering is universal (to be born is to suffer)
2. The cause of suffering is desire (desire propels the cycle of Samsara)
3. Suffering can be eliminated (through man's own untiring efforts)
4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering. (the practice of Dhamma)
While I'm not a Buddhist and my mother would probably sent me to excommunication camp if I ever dared to become one (just kidding, of course... not really... don't know...), I do appreciate many of the Buddhist teachings and I've been trying to follow a little bit of this ancient philosophy. Mostly because I simply want to learn to be happy and stop blaming whatever/whoever I think it is responsible for my shortcomings. I want to take responsibility of my own destiny, put all that guilt I feel in a bag and throw it in the river forever and learn to be happy with the present moment without getting anxious about what's to come. But I digress...
The Day I Joined the Alliance
The first idea I had of it was bad. I'd heard of marriages going to the pooper because of it, so when my husband started playing World of Warcraft he got an earful from me and tons of wife aggro afterward. That didn't stop him from playing, though. Then he mentioned I would probably like the game.
I had time to prepare for about a year and a half before I made the decision. I learned the meaning of terms like DPS, DOT, aggro pulling, etc. I also contributed greatly to the wife aggro pool when the husband spent what I considered too much time playing WoW; I even thought about joining the Widows of WoW club a couple of times. Then I decided to give it a try, and the first time I created a character I thought "Well, this is too much work and too much walking." -- Not to mention John was helping with his >60 level character, so it wasn't much of a challenge for me. The first time I played WoW, it only lasted one evening. And then I decided to really play. I'm sure my husband regrets insisting so much. Hah!
I Don’t Want to Carry the Weight Anymore
Moving to Chicago meant I had to get a whole new set of doctors. I’ve been lucky enough to find good ones that (seem to) know what they are doing and with very short drives from home. My first visit with the endocrinologist was great and I’ve been taking care of myself, following (almost) all his recommendations. Next appointment was with the OB-GYN to discuss my rather frustrating femaleness and the whole trying to conceive thing; not an easy task for a person like me.
I am not blind to my health issues. I am morbidly obese (that took courage to write down!), I have type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a poor-functioning thyroid gland and other conditions related to my weight. It annoys me to no end when people talk to me as if they think I have no idea of what I have to deal with. Yet I don’t do enough to change things; or maybe I do but it doesn’t work.
Earth Shaking, Hearts Bleeding
One of the most striking images I've seen of the Haiti earthquake's aftermath is one of a child sitting on the street with this huge fear in his eyes. He can't be older than 6 or 7 and the desperation on his face makes me cry every time I see it. I feel what that child feels and I want to run there, carry him on my arms and tell him everything is going to be fine; I want to protect him so much. I haven't been able to find a photo of that child online, but I keep seeing it on TV news. It's one of those scenes that will be forever engraved in my mind.
A country like Haiti, already hit not only by political turmoil and violence, but a series of hurricanes in a short period of time... you don't think it can get any worse for the poorest nation of the western hemisphere. And then the earth shakes like it hasn't in two centuries. You wonder how those people can be on the streets singing hymns. I for one ask myself (or the universe) why do these things happen? Why do people who are already suffering greatly have to go through something so devastating? I guess I have to follow my mom's advice and don't ask why.
Some people don't seem to care much. Others realize this is just another tragedy in the world and choose not to let it get to them. But for me, this is a reason to stop and think what am I really doing to help the world, especially those in need? Sometimes I dream about joining a humanitarian mission and spending sometime in some place where I can make a difference in people's life. While that may not be realistic sometimes because my life engagements and setting, I always try to help in other ways.
Mashable.com has a great post on Ways You Can Help. Take a look at it and, please, consider helping the people of Haiti.
I don’t make resolutions, but…
This year is a little different. Maybe it's the numbers, multiples of 5 (it's 2010 and I just turned 35); maybe it's because 2010 is the Year of the Tiger and I'm one; or maybe I'm going through some kind of mid-life crisis that is turning out to be more positive than crazy. Whatever the reason is, I feel like I'll be going through some big changes and I like it.
The biggest project of 2010 for me will be to pro-actively work on trying to conceive. For years I longed for one, it didn't happen, I was miserable, then I accepted it... and then I gave up. OK, I wouldn't put it that way; I simply started thinking that if it was God's will for me not to have children, I would accept it without question. And when I married John, one of the things that I loved the most about him was the fact that, while he would love to have kids, he really didn't care if we could or not. After all, there is always adoption.
