When I take a close look at my life and I realize that 1) I’m all by myself in another country with absolutely no family around, 2) My two best friends in the world are around the globe, one in Japan trying to build a life of her own and one in Africa working with Doctors Without Borders in some remote place saving lives, 3) the only mean of communication I have with my loved ones is a computer and hardly no voice, 4) I know there is no one to do things for me or with me — Well, I feel freaking lonely, almost wanting to scream. I wonder why life works in ways that I have to make decisions that will make me feel like breaking down sometimes in order to do something of value. I wonder when things went so wrong for me to feel like this…

Then I think about it all carefully. I read the long e-mail my best friend in Africa sent me from the middle of nowhere, some place in Angola called Mavinga, telling me how much she cares about me. I read the message my best friend in Japan wrote for Christmas to tell me to be strong. I receive a phone call from my mother whose heart is breaking because she knows I’m sad, yet she tells me to trust her gut because things are going to be all right, she knows it. Then I don’t feel so alone, because this is just distance… a freaking long distance between me and the most special people in my life, but still just distance. People are always there to support me, even if I can’t hear their voices. People are thinking of me, even if they can’t say it all the time. And people love me because I’m worth loving, because they know who I am.

And then there are my new friends, the ones I spent Christmas with, the ones who tell me I’m not going to be alone here, the ones who tell me they are my family. It is overwhelming… My life has become something I never thought it would and it’s hard, but I’m doing my best and this is just starting. I need strength, I need courage and I need to be convinced that there is always a way God uses to let us know everything happens for a reason.

“However long the night, the dawn will break.” — African Proverb