Catching up

I just had a long overdue talk with my mom on the phone. I had been avoiding calling her because distance makes it difficult for both of us when I’m not doing well. My mother is a person of faith and she usually doesn’t freak out too much when I tell her I’m sad, but I feel kind of guilty when I hang up and I know she’s left in knots, no matter how much I reassure her that I’m okay after I talk to her. Her words always make me feel better, she puts things in perspective for me and she makes sure I don’t blame myself for being human and messing up sometimes.

55 minutes of mom therapy can do a world of good for me. It’s not that I feel 100% better after that, but at least I’m able to recognize the things I have to do to keep going, no matter how big the gap is between my feeling well and my feeling bad. She’s so, so far away, but I’m lucky to have the kind of relationship I have with her, where I know I can tell her just about everything that’s going on with me without fearing she’s gonna judge me. After all, she’s my mother. But she’s also one of the kindest people I know, not biased, her wisdom and encouragement are a godsend.

So this morning I’m here, getting ready to go to school, but not only that. I’m also going to catch up with everything I’ve been putting aside during the last couple of months. Life got a little bit weird, put me off balance and I’ve been trying to deal with it probably in the wrong way. My mother said that I’ve done nothing but fight for myself in the last year and that I’ve been nothing but responsible, so a little bumps here and there are only to learn. Whatever it is what’s making feel like a loser now, I have to let it go and allow myself to see things in a different way to learn the lesson I was supposed to learn now.