What’s in the Bucket?
A long time ago I used to have a 43 Things list (also a 43 Places list). One day, while looking at it, I thought it was causing more frustration than anything; mostly because I wasn’t doing anything to make any of those things happen. So I deleted it and I’ve never thought about a life list anymore. And then today I read Daniel’s Bucket List and what I saw immediately is that it is simple, short, to the point, specific and non-overwhelming. Can I make one for myself too? Sure I can… the problem is, the second I start working on it I set up myself up for failure.
Yes, sometimes I think I can’t dream or wish for things because they simply won’t happen. Or I think they will require the effort I’m not willing to put into them. Or I’ve learned to live my life in a way where things just happen. I don’t know… sometimes it’s frustrating. And yes, there are many things I’ve wanted to do that I’ve accomplished, but like I said, I don’t allow myself to wish for specific things and I think it’s time to change that.
Wanted: Mindfulness
Have you ever felt like you're going through life barely breathing and that your sense of purpose is somewhat lost? Like your days go by and you don't realize where time went and, what's worse, that you didn't reach that daily potential? It's like walking in the middle of a dense fog; you really don't see what's around you, but you keep going because that's what you're supposed to do. And then one day, for any reason, the fog lifts and you're standing in the middle of a clear patch wondering what the heck happened and how did you get there. It's an overwhelming feeling. You want to wake up from the lethargy and you don't know where to start because there's too much to catch up with. You think you've done all the right things, but then you realize all the right things were missing something: YOU.
When 2010 started I had the feeling it was going to be a very interesting year. I had the project to work on getting pregnant, and that lead me to consider weight loss surgery (which I'm still deciding on, but that's a story for another post because my doctor doesn't think I really need it). What I never imagined is that this year would bring enough emotional turmoil to make me reconsider the way I've been living my life for the past... I don't know... 10 years? I feel like a car that is about to start, but something's wrong with the engine and it just stutters. I get all motivated about certain things and then I go back to walking through life like a zombie, not really paying attention to what's around me. It's frustrating, and seeing it is probably one of the most painful things I've had to experience because it feels like I've wasted a lot of time.
Weekend for Women
3 weeks ago I had the honor and privilege to attend the Weekend for Women Conference in Raleigh, NC. Organized by an amazing team from Diabetes Sisters, the conference was an opportunity for women all over the U.S. to get together and talk about diabetes and get some really good input from experts in different areas. I think it's one of the nicest things I've done for myself in a long time; to go and share with people, especially women, who are on the same boat as me and who understand the challenges of every day life with diabetes.
Sometimes it takes listening to other people's stories to be aware of your own. I came back from the conference with my motivation renewed. What I learned there is helping me not only with my diabetes, but with everything else in my life. The biggest lesson I learned there was to care for and love myself in every single way. The conference wasn't just about the medical aspects of my condition, but how it affects my emotional being; and that was probably what touched me the most. To sit there and realize that sometimes being so hard on myself doesn't help me achieve my goals.
I wish the conference was longer. It's hard to really connect with people when you have only one day. I'm looking forward to next year!
America the Wasteful
I wonder if other countries deal with this issue. I don't remember it being so crazy when I lived in Colombia; the mailman was not someone you saw every day and when you got something in the mail it was actually worth it. But here (and Canada, too)...
- 8 out of 10 things we get in the mail end up in the trash/recycling bin. Not to mention there's no recycling program that I'm aware of in the building, so it's mostly trash these days.
- Charity organizations spend so much printing crap instead of using the money to do other things. You wouldn't believe the amount of mail I get asking me for donations, and they have to include some kind of cute sticker, notepad or the famous address labels.
- How often do Kohl's, Lane Bryant, Bed, Bath & Beyond, etc think I want to go shopping? I don't want coupons in the mail every day!
- Grocery stores are the worst. I never look at their stuff, I pick the good prices when I shop. Don't want paper!
- Companies can't send just a bill in the mail. They have to put extra paper in the envelopes announcing products I have no interest in.
Striving for Happiness
This is something I've been thinking about lately. When my husband told me that happiness was like a switch and I just had to turn it on, I thought the idea was too simplistic and rather unrealistic. I've grown up thinking that when life sucks, then we just have to pout and let it suck for a while until it gets better. In my little head I never thought it was my own task to be happy despite life's "suckiness." We humans are so used to complain about everything, that it doesn't matter when things get good, we still think they suck because we want more. And that makes think of the following:
The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are:
1. Suffering is universal (to be born is to suffer)
2. The cause of suffering is desire (desire propels the cycle of Samsara)
3. Suffering can be eliminated (through man's own untiring efforts)
4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering. (the practice of Dhamma)
While I'm not a Buddhist and my mother would probably sent me to excommunication camp if I ever dared to become one (just kidding, of course... not really... don't know...), I do appreciate many of the Buddhist teachings and I've been trying to follow a little bit of this ancient philosophy. Mostly because I simply want to learn to be happy and stop blaming whatever/whoever I think it is responsible for my shortcomings. I want to take responsibility of my own destiny, put all that guilt I feel in a bag and throw it in the river forever and learn to be happy with the present moment without getting anxious about what's to come. But I digress...
