Yesterday, I heard myself tell my husband something I usually hate when people say it: “Don’t tell anyone about this, OK?” — What? What is it? Am I dying? Did I do something horrible? Nah! I’m just getting older. And while I don’t care much about age because that’s something no one in my family freaks out about, when you’re 34 years old and your OB-GYN tells you you’re Perimenopausal, that’s kind of a hard blow to take.

So I spent yesterday afternoon trying to digest the whole thing about my eggs slowly drying out, getting older, biological clock ticking, etc. I have to say that I didn’t know if I should feel angry or sad. My husband spent more time than I Googling and sent me all the info I needed to understand what Perimenopausal really is. After all, I still haven’t had children and WTF? It turns out it’s OK, I can still get pregnant if that’s God’s will.

But I always have to hear it first hand from the medical force, so I called Dr. Nguyen’s nurse again this morning and I asked her if this Perimenopausal thing came after my blood work. She told me not to worry, that it should take several years before I reach menopause, etc… I know my husband will give me crap when he reads this entry, and he will say “You never believe me!” — I love you, honey!

But this new issue I’m dealing with is just one of many. A skin that people used to envy is no longer such. I’ve had to see two dermatologists in the last month. The first one I wasn’t satisfied with, so I asked for a second opinion about my Rosacea. I simply refused to spend $400 in an anti-biotic I didn’t think I needed. I was right, there are other options. But talking to the 2nd (and very nice) dermatologist, made me realize that I have to do even more than I used to do before now. Put this cream on, always wear sunscreen, check for keratosis spots, eye cream, night cream… Or maybe I should’ve started doing that years ago. But now it’s one little thing after another.

And cholesterol and blood glucose and my thyroid and the thinning hair and… Oh, dear God… This is exactly what I’ve learnt about cells starting to decrease in function. And like I said, I’m not afraid of getting old, but I guess I wasn’t prepared to come to this realization at 34.