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Dog and Cat Diaries

I just woke up from a very long nap! My god! When I came back from work I was totally pooped after some good hours of sleep deprivation and landed on the bed as soon as I got home. I'm sure I will "hit the hay" again soon, but I received this from a guy in the office and thought it would be funny to share it with the pet lovers out there :-)

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:

Day 180

08:00 a.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
09:00 a.m. - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:15 a.m. - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
11:20 a.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
01:30 p.m. - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
03:20 p.m. - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
05:00 p.m. - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
06:30 p.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

Day 181

08:00 a.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
09:00 a.m. - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:15 a.m. - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
11:20 a.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
01:30 p.m. - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
03:20 p.m. - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
05:00 p.m. - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
06:30 p.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

Day 182

08:00 a.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
09:00 a.m. - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:15 a.m. - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
11:20 a.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
01:30 p.m. - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
02:00 p.m. - Ooooo... Bath... Bummer...
03:20 p.m. - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
05:00 p.m. - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
06:30 p.m. - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

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EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:

Day 752

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant.

Day 761

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around them on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

Day 765

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm... not working according to the plan.

Day 768

I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "Shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in a solitary throughout the event. However I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies"; must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safetly is assured. But I can wait... it's only a matter of time.