Fear is not in the agenda
Posted: October 23rd, 2005 | Author: Bea | Filed under: Thoughts | 2 Comments »It’s normal, it’s very normal to feel like this. I’m not going to freak out, I won’t cry. I feel lonely today, like very lonely and scared, but then I tell myself this is what I wanted to do and I’m here now, might as well face it. I don’t know where to start, really. I just found a bunch of e-mails from people all over and they keep telling me how strong I am and how proud they are of me, but then fear starts crawling all over… What am I going to do? This starting all over again thing can get overwhelming, but I’m so going to do it. I’m smart, I’m a good person, I speak three freaking languages, I’m not alone here.
Good God, my grandma was a warrior, my father was a warrior, it’s in my blood, I won’t give up. I’ve been here for 3 days, can’t expect things to fall on my lap. I’ll call the university tomorrow, contact the financial aid for students office (I was approved for a loan last year and it’s got to be there still), get my world moving. Then I will see my potential employer on Tuesday and I’m praying so hard things will be fine because I need to find a job ASAP. I can’t be scared, fear is what I want to fight against and I’m going to triumph.
Gotta hold on tight to my faith and then the world will be mine.
Psalm 23, Bea… Psalm 23.

Take one step at a time, Bea. You don’t have to be strong enough to do everything. Just manage a little at a bit. You’ve been doing just that so far, it seems, and I think you can keep on doing it.
You’re strong, Bea. It’s true. I’m thinking of you today!