Fear is not in the agenda

It’s normal, it’s very normal to feel like this. I’m not going to freak out, I won’t cry. I feel lonely today, like very lonely and scared, but then I tell myself this is what I wanted to do and I’m here now, might as well face it. I don’t know where to start, really. I just found a bunch of e-mails from people all over and they keep telling me how strong I am and how proud they are of me, but then fear starts crawling all over… What am I going to do? This starting all over again thing can get overwhelming, but I’m so going to do it. I’m smart, I’m a good person, I speak three freaking languages, I’m not alone here.

Good God, my grandma was a warrior, my father was a warrior, it’s in my blood, I won’t give up. I’ve been here for 3 days, can’t expect things to fall on my lap. I’ll call the university tomorrow, contact the financial aid for students office (I was approved for a loan last year and it’s got to be there still), get my world moving. Then I will see my potential employer on Tuesday and I’m praying so hard things will be fine because I need to find a job ASAP. I can’t be scared, fear is what I want to fight against and I’m going to triumph.

Gotta hold on tight to my faith and then the world will be mine.
Psalm 23, Bea… Psalm 23.