I don’t make resolutions, but…

This year is a little different. Maybe it’s the numbers, multiples of 5 (it’s 2010 and I just turned 35); maybe it’s because 2010 is the Year of the Tiger and I’m one; or maybe I’m going through some kind of mid-life crisis that is turning out to be more positive than crazy. Whatever the reason is, I feel like I’ll be going through some big changes and I like it.

The biggest project of 2010 for me will be to pro-actively work on trying to conceive. For years I longed for one, it didn’t happen, I was miserable, then I accepted it… and then I gave up. OK, I wouldn’t put it that way; I simply started thinking that if it was God’s will for me not to have children, I would accept it without question. And when I married John, one of the things that I loved the most about him was the fact that, while he would love to have kids, he really didn’t care if we could or not. After all, there is always adoption.

But when I saw my new endocrinologist last week, and he asked me if I wanted to have kids, he could see it in my face… that I gave up. Then he asked the key question, “Have you actively pursued pregnancy? Like with a fertility doctor?” — I really never thought about it, I thought fertility clinics were for women who wanted to have in-vitro fertilization or artificial insemination done. And then I realized that I never really looked into it. Then I came across this book I’m reading called “The Fertility Diet” which has become a jewel because the first thing it’s teaching is that ovulation problems come from a poor carbohydrate metabolism. Hello! Diabetes, anyone?

And there I was, at Doctor Benjamin’s office, thinking that it is going to happen for me. He actually was more excited than I was, but also very realistic of the plethora of things I have to do first in order to give my reproductive system a chance. The biggest one is losing weight and getting my endocrine system in order. And while I got all kinds of props for a normal A1C and good diabetes management, I am not very proud of the weight management. But I am not going to elaborate on that… no point.

I’ll see the dietitian next week and start from there. Then, hopefully with my new job I’ll be able to join the school’s fitness center. And just for laughs, when John told me we could exercise at home and I said “What about cardio?,” he replied “Honey, we’re fat. Any kind of exercise will automatically become cardio for us.” — Now, that’s the spirit. ;-)

And that’s my non-resolution #1. I’ll have others, but they are stories for another time.