I’m not posting about this to play hero of the night. I’m posting this to show one of the many faces of divorce and how much hurt it can cause. I’m actually crying, angry… Really angry.

I have spent the last hour and a half trying to help someone who’s dealing with a lot of pain. Someone who, like me, was dumped by her husband, abandoned, cheated on, betrayed. She’s suicidal, pretty much decided to do this, and now I’m at wits end trying to get all the information I can, so a bunch of friends and I can contact the authorities in her city. It’s frustrating, it’s scary, I feel like I could scream.

Why, why do people go in life hurting others so much? Why is there so much lack of commitment? Why do some people become jerks and try to destroy us? Isn’t it enough that they stop loving us? Why the need to humiliate us? Why the need to make us feel so worthless? Where’s compassion? Where’s mercy? I’m talking to this woman and thinking that inflicting this kind of pain on someone who has loved you without paying for it is the most unfair thing in the world. And somehow, people get away with it… Unbelievable.

A year and 8 months ago I was feeling exactly how this woman is feeling tonight. Hopeless, broken, scared, worthless. I made it through, I survived this fucking nightmare. Now I want to make sure I can help others, because I want to pay it forward, all the help I’ve received. I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for the people who took the time to listen to me when I was going through my darkest moments. People who gave me a chance, the chance that idiot I married didn’t give me. People who didn’t judge me, people who saw me for what I really am. People who know what love is. Unfortunately, my ex-husband knows nothing about it; selfish people like him are responsible for the kind of pain I’ve experienced, the kind of pain I’m seeing someone go through tonight.

I think I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure people who suffer what I’ve suffered have someone to talk to. I’ll make sure no one goes unheard and that at least I will make a difference. I can’t fix people’s problems, but I can try to make them see that giving up is not an option.

If I can stop one heart from breaking
I shall not live in vain
If I can ease one life the aching
Or cool one pain
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again
I shall not live in vain.
– Emily Dickinson