I just got back from my lawyer’s office. I signed an affidavit and a divorce sentence petition to the court. It feels weird because I’m the defending part (I hate that term, as if I were sued for something bad), and it is me the one who is deciding when things are going to be over for good. I teared up a little when signing those papers, not because I have any feelings left for my ex-husband, but because I think this is a sad ending for something I always considered a beautiful life project. There I was, asking the court to end up my marriage, and it wasn’t my decision in the first place. Oh, the irony!

Things like this make it hard for me to believe in marriage again. Do not misunderstand me, I DO believe in love (I have special reasons to believe in it!), but I hate the complications that derive from a broken marriage. Apart from the pain we have to go through when someone stabs us directly in the heart, there is the legal crap to deal with. And it’s even worse when you don’t understand much of it because you walk into divorce blinded by the unfair actions of others.

My divorce has been going on for two years, and I still don’t consider myself capable of telling anyone about the legal procedures or what they should do in order to have a fair treatment. I think what hurts me the most right now is the way things went for me, when my ex-husband wanted to take so much advantage using my vulnerabilities. I still go to the lawyer’s office having no idea if I’m doing the right thing, or if I should’ve fought back harder. It doesn’t matter anymore.

I’m still sitting and waiting until the day this nightmare will be over.