Never loved you?
Posted: December 19th, 2006 | Author: Bea | Filed under: Thoughts | 3 Comments »When I hear divorcing people saying “I never loved him/her” I have to ask “Then why the hell did you get married?” — I know I married for love and I certainly hope that at some point my ex-husband felt the same, even if it didn’t work. I can’t believe someone walks into marriage feeling absolutely nothing for the person they choose to be with. What kind of sick and twisted individual decides to be with someone if they don’t even like the person? I do not believe that’s the way it is.
Unfortunately divorce is a very ugly matter and horrible things are said in the middle of it. I’m somewhat grateful for the way I dealt with mine, always trying to be as nice as possible, always avoiding saying words I would end up regretting no matter how hurt I was. Yes, I’ve had my moments of anger, I’ve thought the worst about the man who left me, but I don’t deny that I loved him very much, I don’t deny he is a good man and that, when we were together, he was a good husband. And I’ve NEVER said any mean things to him, mostly because of me… Because I know I would’ve ended up feeling worse.
Why does love die? Why do we stop loving? I have no idea. I’m not the one to judge other people’s relationships. Some get bad with time, some are bad from the very beginning. Every relationship has the potential to end, and when they do, I think we have to show some self-respect and deal with it graciously and with dignity. Being around divorce support groups has shown me the human nature at its worst sometimes. And what’s sad is that losing our temper and becoming asses seems to be the way for many people who let others control their life instead of moving on.
I think LOVE is like a plant. It will grow if you nurture and take care of it. If not, it withers and dies.
“Why does love die? Why do we stop loving?”
I don’t think people consciously “stop loving.” In some respects, I agree with April. A relationship is a living thing. You have to work at it to make sure that your changes and your partner’s changes allow enough space for both of you. In other ways, people let other relationships define their personal relationship with each other. They become “the father” and “the mother” and become consumed with those roles. Then they are surprised when they realize they have both changed but not in the same way.
Or sometimes people just grow apart and don’t make the effort to keep their relationship vibrant and alive.
In the end, you’re right: who knows why love dies?
I have a different view on love, I believe that we can care for pretty much anyone and fall in love, but true love only happens when two people not only love each other, but show that love to one another.
I think that one-sided love happens not only because one person does not love the other, but because love it is not always expressed. It is one thing to feel the emotions and another one to show them. Also there has to be communication as to what shows someone else love.
I grew up in a traditional household, and my Mom waking up every morning to make us and my Dad breakfast showed me love and dedication. I am sure everyone has their own way to feel loved, but the important thing is to know the way you partner feels love and express it every opportunity they can.
I also think that true love does not die, it’s killed.