Oui à la fesse – Yes to “spanking” said the Supreme Court of Québec. The judges made it “legal” by allowing parents to correct their children (if misbehaving) by giving a little “coup”. What do I think? I find it necessary, don’t misunderstand me, I don’t think beating children is a good thing, but sometimes parents speak and children don’t listen, they speak again and children still don’t listen. Then they become little monsters nothing can control and that’s when you have to do something so they understand that what they did is wrong and they can’t do it again. I’ve seen my little nephew throwing horrible tantrums and his parents doing nothing about it… I fear things can be worse if they don’t react properly.
Just a week ago I was having this discussion with my friends about the way our parents raised us; my best friend, who is a children therapist, said it was OK to correct your kids this way because they need limits. Personally I don’t know what is to be beaten by my parents, my father never put a hand on me. My mother on the other hand recurred to the “fessée” a few times and it didn’t really hurt, but I did learn what I had to learn. Besides, the rear end has enough “flesh” to take it, as long as the parent doesn’t abuse! What’s your opinion?
I changed my mind!
The few times I spanked the boys they laughed at me. But, I’m pretty sure my face looks pretty darn funny when I’m angry!!
I got it when I needed it as a child and it didn’t ‘ruin’ my self-esteem etc. I will tell you one thing, it made me think before I ever dreamed of breaking the rules.
Limits are absolutely necessary, but without violence. Why do people think it is o.k. to hit a child but not o.k. to hit an adult? Why is spousal abuse not tolerated but the same behavior is acccepted if you do it to a child?
It’s my opinion that if you have to spank your kid, you’ve lost control of the situation. If the only thing you can do is physically hurt them to make your point, you should take a closer look at your parenting techniques. I have (so far) raised a beautiful, well-adjusted girl who knows her boundaries and I never had to spank her to get her to listen. I’m still working on my little one (he’s 2) and he’s a real challenge to my patience but I can’t imagine using physical pain as a method of discipline.
But hey, that’s the way I see it. I don’t necessarily look at spanking as abuse, but I don’t think it’s appropriate, either.
I was never, ever spanked as a child and I think I turned out OK.
I’m not a parent yet, but I definitely don’t see myself being a frequent spanker, though.
I had a few spankings and close encounters with the belt while I was growing up. I don’t think I’m a better person for it but I did learn my lesson without turning me into a monster. I think physical punishment did its job.
I don’t think it’s always right, but like Bea wrote, sometimes children just don’t get that “no” means “no.” Personally, I think it’s much more effective (and fun too) to mess with a kid’s mind: “If you keep doing that, you’ll go to HELL!!! Santa’s not the only one who knows if you’ve been naughty or nice, you know.” Or looking at a kid with a really sad, dejected look on your face and telling them “I am sooooo disappointed in you. I thought we could trust you to do the right thing, but I was obviously wrong. I guess we will still have to treat you like a baby.”
Yes, I’m evil. But the good thing is, I don’t have kids!!!
I should clarify that I’m against violence of any kind and while talking about la “fessée” I’m thinking about using it properly. The subject is very picky, but the spanking should be given as a message for children to understand. Unfortunately we all know there will be parents who will abuse and that is what makes things more difficult. But personally, if my children ever behave like totally spoiled brats and don’t listen and don’t take dialogue as the good way to learn, then I think I’ll do what my mom did… and believe me, violence is not a word in my home.
This is a hot button issue for me so please forgive me – the only thing I learned from being spanked was that I couldn’t trust my parents. Spanking is losing control – kids need to know you are in control. How do I teach Charlotte that it is never o.k. to hit if I hit her? 1 minute in her crib sends the message that her behavior was not acceptable and we don’t see the behsvior again.
The problem with the word “spanking” is that it sounds violent. If I put it in Spanish, a “nalgada” is not such a big deal. I understand we don’t want to give our children the message that things are ok only when we hit them, but what the Supreme Court of Quebec said is that NO OTHER FORM of correcting is ok, parents CANNOT use objects to hit their kids and they CANNOT hit their kids in a body part different from the “rear end” (now, what’s the correct word for that one?).
I have to admit I’ve been feeling like a witch since I posted this because I can’t come in terms with the fact that I agree with correcting your children by giving them a “nalgada” and people hating me for it.
Modern psychology is telling parents to “let their children be”, but there are a few professionals out there asking parents to correct their children and my best friend, who is a children therapist, says there’s nothing wrong when trying to correct your child when he or she REALLY MISBEHAVES.
Now, hiting your child “just because”… That’s another thing. My mom gave me a few “nalgadas” when I was a child and I don’t feel abused, I don’t think she gave me the “wrong message”, I don’t hate her for that because while she corrected me, she knew how to control herself.
That’s the whole point. Sometimes “1 minute in the crib” doesn’t work. It depends on the child, my nephew for example has a really strong character, you send him to his room and he comes back being angrier than before.
I think it comes down to the definition of spanking.. what each person means by it. Maybe your nephew needs 2 minutes in the crib : )
I don’t think you’re a witch at all – everyone is entitled to their opinion!
I’m not sure about this…I used to get the crap beaten out of me as a kid, and all it made me do was leave home as soon as I was old enough to do so. I felt that i was walking on eggshells while growing up, and that is no way for a chld to live.
I dunno…maybe a whack on the bum might be okay, but I’m inclined to think that there might be better ways to discipline children.
And all of this is probably a big part of why I don’t want to have any of my own.