October 18th, 2005 – I was taking a plane to come back to Canada. Half my heart with my family, the other half wanting to be here. Scared shitless, nothing in my hands, a bag full of clothes and my soul full of hopes. It wasn’t easy, I felt like giving up many times during the first weeks. New place, new people, all alone, didn’t know what I was going to do. I just knew I wanted to be here and learn to make a life of my own. Got accepted in school, got a scholarship, closed my eyes, wished with all my heart and started studying again.
Six months later: I’m finishing college, I have new people in my life I know are sincere, I’m not scared shitless anymore and I feel like I’m achieving something. Heart’s still broken, but much better than a year ago when I was about to drop my basket. I miss my family like I never imagined I would and there’s an uncertainty about when I’m going to see them again, so that’s not fun, but I’m being strong. I still feel like giving up sometimes, but that’s not gonna happen. I’ve made it this far, summer is coming, lots of work and fun planned and my life will go on because it only gets better.
A very good friend of mine tells me I’m one of the strongest people he’s ever met. I don’t feel that strong sometimes when all I can do is stay inside my room and cry because I feel lonely. But I realize I’m strong… Much stronger than I give myself credit for. Six months already! Where did time go?
Et il fait tellement beau aujourd’hui ! :) Happy six months, Bea!
You should be very proud of yourself, Bea. You’re dealing with a painful and difficult situation, putting together your life and your future, and piecing back together your heart and soul. And succeeding at it – even though you may not think so at times. By now you should know that you’ll have good days, not so good days, and bad days. But, in time, the not-so-good days will outnumber the bad days and eventually the good days will outnumber the rest.
I wish the best for you and hope that you trust and believe in yourself. You should. You’ve shown you can roll with the punches, even when they are hard.
Being able to express what you feel, even the fear and loneliness only shows how strong you are. I takes strenth not only to overcome what you have during this six months, but also to face the realities of the situations… must people would go through what you are going to without admitting how difficult it is. Great job and keep on going forward!
yes, you are strong, but then again, being strong doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt. it does mean that you have learned to go despite the pain. And that takes strength. And courage.