Errr… Never mind the hiatus thing. I have bad news, good news, exciting news, lots of news. I’ve been hiding from everyone, but what’s the point in that if one day I will have to come out of the shell and face the world. Ready for the rollercoaster? Ok, I’m warning you, this isn’t going to be pretty… Oh boy!
The bad news is: Despite passing my mid-terms with very good grades, I was so stressed with school, I decided I wanted to die. Yes, there’s no other way to say it, I’m a very depressive person, suicidal thoughts visit me from time to time. No, I didn’t actually do anything crazy, but the ideas were scary enough to make me re-think what I want to do with my life. My family got so freaked out, they urged me to stop right away what I was doing and seek medical treatment. First I felt like a big failure, then I thought “what the hell am I trying to prove to the world, doing something I don’t feel passionate about anymore, no matter how many times I try to repeat it to convince I don’t know who.”
The good news is: I’m still at school, just not registered in the Biology program anymore. I’m going to change my major and it isn’t going to be science related. I’m simply fed up with experiments, labs, formulas, etc. I think 6 years of science are enough and now I want to move into greener pastures. My ideals have changed a lot in the last 5 years and right now I’m trying to figure out what I REALLY want to do, but all signs point to a program in “Hispanic Studies” with a “French-Spanish Translation” certificate.
The exciting news is: I’m going to Colombia! From what you have read above, you can figure out why. I need comfort, guidance, counseling and support to deal with a lot of freaking personal issues I’m not going to discuss here.
There you have it, I won’t hide anymore and I won’t feel ashamed of myself anymore. People can think what they want to think and they can say whatever they want to say. I’m tired of living my life to make others happy; it’s time to start living to make myself happy. Posting this takes a lot of courage, but I had to do it because I know there are people out there who actually care about me, no matter how many times I fuck up in life.
Oh Bea! I hope you’re doing much better! I wish I had known.
I’m so happy that you realized that you needed a change and I hope you enjoy your new program so much more! (((HUGS)))
You have to do what you have to do to take care of you. Know I am here if you ever need to talk!! {{{Hugs}}}
i’m glad you’re back and all is well miss bea. i’m so glad you’re getting a chance to go home too. remember to take care of you :)
Oh Bea, you have to take care of yourself first!! ((Hugs))) and hope you are doing better!
Sending you a big abrazo, Bea.
I hope all the comforts of home help you heal and bring a smile to your heart. Cuidase, mi amiga!
Hi girl
“it’s time to start living to make myself happy”
You said it….life is way to short and I am glad you are doing something for yourself. Buena suerte amiga. ((((hugs))))
*hugs* yes, life is too short to waste doing stuff that doesn’t make you happy. It’s a learning process- you only “fuck up” if you don’t learn something from you decisions, or keep making the same bad ones over again.
I’m so proud of you for going back to school and tackling a huge courseload and getting good grades. That’s not easy! But yes, do take classes you enjoy, and maybe take it a little slower to give yourself some time to figure it out.
And enjoy your trip! :)