This is my last entry of LiveJournal. I thought it was good enough to share here as well.

Bear with me, this is a long one. I will start with a passage from the Bible, not because I’m a Jesus freak, but because I was raised under these teachings, and I’m proud of my upbringing. This is Proverbs 31: 10-31, one of many passages about womanhood, especially about wifehood (is that a word?). A friend of mine helped me find it today because I’ve been wanting to write about this issue for a while.

The Wife of Noble Character

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

There is a big misunderstanding among different groups and cultures, and it is believed that women who like to take care of their house are too submissive, and sometimes abused. Some feminists have led women to believe that performing the tasks of our mothers and grandmothers is something from the past century, and that when a woman decides to stay home, she is being an idiot. They couldn’t be more wrong, in some cases, like mine.

I don’t know for how long I have struggled with this, but I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I am not crazy, lazy or a loser because I actually like being a housewife. I’ve also felt guilty, for I don’t have children, and society has made us believe children are the only reason why a woman can stay home while her husband works. While in my case it isn’t a choice I made, and this seems to be temporary, I’m starting to feel proud of calling myself a Staying at Home Wife. I don’t know what is going to happen when I obtain my residency/work permit, but I am enjoying my current “job”.

When looking for information on staying at home, I almost only find stuff about SAHM’s. So I was glad to find weblogs by different women who don’t have children, but who have chosen to stay at home taking care of their husbands.

A young woman name Ruthie wrote:

[...] I also feel like our marriage has a better chance of surviving the chaotic sea of the modern world if I’m the strong and constant figure at home. (Husband’s name) is less likely to be stressed and depressed when he comes home from work if the apartment smells like freshly baked bread, drying home-grown thyme and lavender, and sparkling Windexed windows instead of rotten fruits and veggies in the fridge that no one got around to preparing and yucky needs-to-be -changed-but-who- has-the-time kitty litter!

I feel sad that some women feel like they have to justify their choice. But most of all, it saddens me they (we) are looked upon as people who are simply lazy, or not capable of doing anything else. When reading these weblogs, I find that most girls out there have a college degree or have, at some point, made part of the corporate world. One of the main concerns people have is “What are you going to do if anything happens to your husband?” — Well, I have the answer. I lost my ex-husband in a divorce, it was hard to take, but I went and made it. Got a job, went back to school, etc. We are NO sissies.

I’ve become quite interested in reading books about feminism and how some radicals have twisted the idea women have of themselves. So far I’ve acquired The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex and Feminism by Carrie Lukas, A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit, and What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman by Danielle Crittenden. I am behind on my reading, but I will start going through these as soon as possible. I guess I got tired of the message we are getting every day about “Getting out there! Conquer the world! Don’t stay at home! Don’t be a slave!” – BS! I believe in a society where people can be what they want to be. And some of us WANT to be housewives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Next time I hear someone say that being a stay at home wife or mom is a bad thing, I will laugh so maniacally they will wish they were dead. It isn’t easy, but it’s a labour of love. As dignified as the job of the CEO of a big company. I am the CEO of my life, and my client seems to love it.

The main argument against my case would be money, but that’s a whole other issue. A trait that I’ve discovered among SAHW’s is that they and their husbands have decided to live a frugal life. Today’s society has us convinced that we have to make big money, buy the fanciest car, the biggest house, and all the gadgets available in order to be happy. We live with one income and a 1/4 (I babysit), and we do perfectly fine. We pay our bills and we still have money to spend on things we want to do.

Yes, we may not have two incomes now. But nothing can pay the happiness I feel when my husband comes home every day and tells me “Mmmm! It smells good!” or when he says he cannot have enough of my cooking. For me, making him feel cared about, is about the best thing in the world.

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