In divorce support groups, people come and go like the waves of the ocean. Some sign up, get the help they need and move on. Some others, like me, stick around for many reasons. Because we want to help others going through the same painful process or simple because we make good friends that we still want to talk to. Sometimes some people don’t understand why we want to be surrounded by all that “negativity” once we have moved on. The answer is simple: We want to help.
This morning I woke up to find several IM’s from a couple of good friends from my divorce support group. They were trying to get my opinion and help on the issue of a member posting a message on the boards, announcing he was so sad and tired, he wanted to give up. Yes, he wanted to commit suicide. It isn’t the first time this happens, and every time it happens, people in the group move heaven and earth in order to contact, either the person or the authorities of his/her. Mind you, it’s an online community, finding someone IS difficult. But we have saved lives. And for that, I’m proud to still be a member. As I type this, the police of some town on the east coast of the U.S. is on its way to help this man who posted a desperate cry for help.
So when someone asks me or tells me about those “horrible” groups where people are full of pain and anger, I just tell them to go and take a look at the boards and read the messages of hope we give to each other every single day. Then you move on, but the place has become like home. You know you can go there and talk about anything that is bothering you and you won’t be judged. Those people became like my family, that place was my haven for a while, and I will do things for others in need, the same way I got help when I most needed it.
“We here in this group know far more about divorce than we would otherwise choose to know, starting with the dread of profound loss and despair, and in probably half of our cases financial ruin. And we are genuinely compassionate – meaning we suffer with you in these matters.” (S.L. from Florida)
I dislike those kind of sites quite a bit… and the reason is that there are people that love to stay bitter.
I have issues with people that do not how to channel anger and make it into a motivation tool. I despise the people that try to drag others down into their misery or discontent for the world.
That said, I believe what you do by being a part of those groups is commendable and should be rewarded somehow because I know that someone that listens, truly listens and understands has value like it can not be measured by numbers.