Written in paper
I wrote this earlier on a dirty piece of paper, now I’m just typing it.
It’s 9:20 p.m. and I’m at this dinner near the bus station, having a coffee and waiting for my “carriage” to take me home after very long day… My first day of work! Yes, I’ve got a job now, I have a lot of things to learn, but I’m willing to give more than my very best to keep it going. It’s going to be tough when school starts, but this is what I needed to do: fight, struggle, be strong, give myself the chance to sacrifice some things in order to feel that my life makes sense after 30 years of hiding behind my fears.
It’s pouring cats and dogs outside, my head hurts, I’m really tired and I’m going home to no one. No one is waiting for me, no one will listen to my stories and no one will give me a goodnight kiss. And you know what? It’s OK! Because now I know that I can do things by myself, now I know I’m not weak or worthless. I know people value what they see in me and someone gave me a chance to make good use of the things I’ve learned.
Yes, it’s definitely OK to be alone now, because when someone finally comes to my life I’ll know how to appreciate it even more and I’ll be emotionally independent enough to understand that I can be someone all by myself, but I prefer, I choose, to live my life “à deux.”
15 minutes left before I go home. Home… Does that exist for me, really? But home is any place I’m in, as long as it is as peaceful in my heart as it is at this very moment, despite feeling like crying. “I am like a bird…”
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